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Old 03-29-2008, 09:23 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Unhappy Can I change the locks on my house?

My ex-fiance and I own a house together in Indiana. We split up 6 months ago and he moved out, although he still has stuff here in the house. I live here with my daughter and our house is for sale. My ex pays half the mortgage and half the utilities. Is it legal for me to change the locks so he can't enter the premises without me being here? I'm happy to allow him to come get something when I'm here but I don't want him in the house when I'm not here. What are my options? Please tell me I have options!

Thank you!

Last edited by penguinhead; 03-29-2008 at 09:25 PM.
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Old 03-30-2008, 06:04 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by penguinhead View Post
My ex-fiance and I own a house together in Indiana. We split up 6 months ago and he moved out, although he still has stuff here in the house. I live here with my daughter and our house is for sale. My ex pays half the mortgage and half the utilities. Is it legal for me to change the locks so he can't enter the premises without me being here? I'm happy to allow him to come get something when I'm here but I don't want him in the house when I'm not here. What are my options? Please tell me I have options!

Thank you!

Yeah, stop being a pin head and realize HE is doing the right thing by upholding his end of the financial bargain---have you thought for a moment how fortunate you are HE is paying for YOUR utilities in addition to the mortgage---especially when you call the child "YOUR" daughter--not even his?? So, reward his ---whatever you want to call it---generosity? conscience? by slapping new locks on the place---I bet you will find yourself paying ALL the mortgage and your OWN utilities.

You don't say why you don't want him in the house, which leaves me to speculate---a guy that voluntarily pays YOUR utilities is going to steal your stuff?

It doesn't make sense. Just trying to stick it to him? A woman scorned thing? You don't say why---like, he is a closet serial killer----so the reason why is opened to speculation. Have you simply ASKED him as a courtesy to please wait until you are there. What are you trying to keep him from?
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Old 03-30-2008, 12:46 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Oh my goodness

Grace, why all the hostility? Jeez.

FIRST, he is not the father of my daughter, which is why I referenced MY daughter and not OURS (pays to know the facts before jumping to conclusions, ey?)

SECOND, he is paying HALF of OUR mortgage (both of our names are on the title) and he is paying HALF of OUR utilities (which would have to remain on if neither of us lived in the house.)

THIRD, he has taken property from the house that belonged to both of us, on several occasions when he has been here. This was not property we discussed splitting and there was no agreement that he could have those items.

I am getting ready to go out of town on a business trip and he wants to stay in the house. He hasn't lived here for 6 months. He wants to sleep in MY bed, eat MY food, and live in MY personal space. That's creepy.

He chose to end the relationship. He chose to move out. I'm not lucky that he's paying for his share of the property. When the house sells he'll be getting half of the profits. He's lucky I'm maintaining the home and he's lucky I've given up my time to show the house when needed. He's lucky that I'm paying the bills (in HIS name) on time.

So, instead of giving me your piece of crap opinion without having all the facts, ask me a question if you need more information. If you don't know the law then please keep to yourself and go harass someone else.

Thank you.
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Old 03-30-2008, 06:30 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by penguinhead View Post
Grace, why all the hostility? Jeez.

FIRST, he is not the father of my daughter, which is why I referenced MY daughter and not OURS (pays to know the facts before jumping to conclusions, ey?)

SECOND, he is paying HALF of OUR mortgage (both of our names are on the title) and he is paying HALF of OUR utilities (which would have to remain on if neither of us lived in the house.)

THIRD, he has taken property from the house that belonged to both of us, on several occasions when he has been here. This was not property we discussed splitting and there was no agreement that he could have those items.

I am getting ready to go out of town on a business trip and he wants to stay in the house. He hasn't lived here for 6 months. He wants to sleep in MY bed, eat MY food, and live in MY personal space. That's creepy.

He chose to end the relationship. He chose to move out. I'm not lucky that he's paying for his share of the property. When the house sells he'll be getting half of the profits. He's lucky I'm maintaining the home and he's lucky I've given up my time to show the house when needed. He's lucky that I'm paying the bills (in HIS name) on time.

So, instead of giving me your piece of crap opinion without having all the facts, ask me a question if you need more information. If you don't know the law then please keep to yourself and go harass someone else.

Thank you.

[COLOR=#000000]Did you even READ my posting?? MY POINT was---and do try to follow---I hate repeating myself---it is YOUR child (AS OPPOSED TO YOUR CHILD TOGETHER) that was obvious from your use of the word MY CHILD. I assumed nothing. So, what do you do? Repeat MY point. Thanks, skipper. Do you see that he is apparently expressing SOME concern for the well being of a child that ISN'T his?? THAT was the point. [/COLOR]
[COLOR=#000000][/COLOR]
[COLOR=#000000]Thanks for tossing in all the other totally irrelevant things---like "he took stuff without asking before" --"we never agreed on what he could take", yada yada. THAT does not in any way justify YOU from keeping his things FROM him. Example: If I have a tenant that doesn't pay rent, I cannot TAKE his things from the home as payment. In a nutshell, two wrongs don't make a right. If you think he was wrong to take things that belonged to you, do something about it--legally---but changing the locks ISN'T it. [/COLOR]
[COLOR=#000000][/COLOR]
[COLOR=#000000]Also, why would HE have to pay for utilities YOU are using? And, furthermore, why would it have to stay on if no one LIVED in the home? It HAS to stay on---(I believe was how you worded it). [/COLOR]
[COLOR=#000000][/COLOR]
[COLOR=#000000]From a legal standpoint, HE is doing what is required of him--paying HIS half. (Although I think it's pretty generous of him to pay for YOUR utilities that he isn't even using). HE is lucky? LOL Dear, if you had simply moved OUT of the home, a REALTOR could have shown the house, kept the grass cut, and the utilities did not need to be on. It seems to me if he found a buyer, he could have sold it immediately. But, you have had the benefit of actually having a roof over your head--while he has had the presumed benefit of having you live there. Sounds about even to me. [/COLOR]
[COLOR=#000000][/COLOR]
[COLOR=#000000][COLOR=red]The part about him sleeping in YOUR space? Dear, it ISN'T YOUR SPACE. Reread your own posting. You said it is TITLED to BOTH of you. Until that changes---regardless of if he "left" or not--it is STILL EQUALLY HIS. Got it? In one paragraph you inform me that * both * our names are on the title and utilities , and in the next paragraph you are calling it "MY SPACE"---it ISN'T your space. The space belongs to BOTH OF YOU. So, bottom line---you are NOT within your legal right to keep him from property HE owns just because YOU think it's "creepy".[/COLOR] [/COLOR]
[COLOR=#000000][/COLOR]
[COLOR=#000000]I don't care if you like me----that doesn't change the fact that I'm correct. But, feel free to disparage the only answer you have received and go ahead--change those locks. I guarantee you have no legal right to do so. Don't take my word for it. I insist. Call a local attorney and ask for a free consultation. Rest assured you will hear the same from him. [/COLOR]
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Old 09-13-2008, 02:42 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GentleGrace View Post
[COLOR=#000000]Did you even READ my posting?? MY POINT was---and do try to follow---I hate repeating myself---it is YOUR child (AS OPPOSED TO YOUR CHILD TOGETHER) that was obvious from your use of the word MY CHILD. I assumed nothing. So, what do you do? Repeat MY point. Thanks, skipper. Do you see that he is apparently expressing SOME concern for the well being of a child that ISN'T his?? THAT was the point. [/COLOR]
[COLOR=#000000][/COLOR]
[COLOR=#000000]Thanks for tossing in all the other totally irrelevant things---like "he took stuff without asking before" --"we never agreed on what he could take", yada yada. THAT does not in any way justify YOU from keeping his things FROM him. Example: If I have a tenant that doesn't pay rent, I cannot TAKE his things from the home as payment. In a nutshell, two wrongs don't make a right. If you think he was wrong to take things that belonged to you, do something about it--legally---but changing the locks ISN'T it. [/COLOR]
[COLOR=#000000][/COLOR]
[COLOR=#000000]Also, why would HE have to pay for utilities YOU are using? And, furthermore, why would it have to stay on if no one LIVED in the home? It HAS to stay on---(I believe was how you worded it). [/COLOR]
[COLOR=#000000][/COLOR]
[COLOR=#000000]From a legal standpoint, HE is doing what is required of him--paying HIS half. (Although I think it's pretty generous of him to pay for YOUR utilities that he isn't even using). HE is lucky? LOL Dear, if you had simply moved OUT of the home, a REALTOR could have shown the house, kept the grass cut, and the utilities did not need to be on. It seems to me if he found a buyer, he could have sold it immediately. But, you have had the benefit of actually having a roof over your head--while he has had the presumed benefit of having you live there. Sounds about even to me. [/COLOR]
[COLOR=#000000][/COLOR]
[COLOR=#000000][COLOR=red]The part about him sleeping in YOUR space? Dear, it ISN'T YOUR SPACE. Reread your own posting. You said it is TITLED to BOTH of you. Until that changes---regardless of if he "left" or not--it is STILL EQUALLY HIS. Got it? In one paragraph you inform me that * both * our names are on the title and utilities , and in the next paragraph you are calling it "MY SPACE"---it ISN'T your space. The space belongs to BOTH OF YOU. So, bottom line---you are NOT within your legal right to keep him from property HE owns just because YOU think it's "creepy".[/COLOR] [/COLOR]
[COLOR=#000000][/COLOR]
[COLOR=#000000]I don't care if you like me----that doesn't change the fact that I'm correct. But, feel free to disparage the only answer you have received and go ahead--change those locks. I guarantee you have no legal right to do so. Don't take my word for it. I insist. Call a local attorney and ask for a free consultation. Rest assured you will hear the same from him. [/COLOR]
The more that I read Grace's posts, the more that I understand. Some of it goes beyond my thinking. Find out how you can get his name taken off the deed,if that what should be done. I don't know. Just a suggestion. It's hard especially when there are kids involved. Just don't make her suffer because of what happened.

Our house that is up for sale is empty and we are paying the utilites and checking up on the house to make sure things are okay. Having a house is a burden. I am just thankful for apartments. I don't think that we should pay for the utilities but that is what our realtor told us. So what,it is just a little bit that needs to be paid.

Judy
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Old 09-13-2008, 02:54 PM   #6 (permalink)
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The more that I read Grace's posts, the more that I understand. Some of it goes beyond my thinking
That is, quite possibly, the highest compliment anyone could pay me.

My goal isn't to make anyone AGREE with me. Quite frankly, a lot of times the law doesn't make SENSE! But, unfortunately, for now it IS the law. And, people get upset because the law isn't the way they think it should be, or what makes sense and a lot of times I agree!! But, my opinion of the law doesn't really matter to anyone but me!!

If I've made you think, consider your position, think of reasons it is valid, or understand why it is not, then I've done what I intended. Which is precisely why I preface some comments with phrases like "the law says" ( as opposed to GRACE says). And I try to provide resources where the poster can read it him or herself. DONT take my word for it. Look it up, read it, and understand. The path of this discovery is a HUGE rush.

A lot of people still disagree ( look in any court room and you will see two very distinct disagreements!) but, perspective is incredible.

The law is a living breathing entity---not old dusty stodgy books. Any time anyone understands it better is, in my opinion, a great day.
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Old 09-14-2008, 08:34 AM   #7 (permalink)
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I don't remember seeing anything in these posts about the law... except after someone ranted and stepped all over someone else's toes and suggested that she was unfair and possibly keeping HIS stuff when the exact opposite is true. Judy seems to have noticed an embellishment or two that gave her recognition of the kind of person who does things like this to strangers. I'm sure he took what he needed when he moved out, but now he is taking assets that are personal property of both of them without an accounting or even notice. That in itself is reason enough to lock him out... but reasonably, since HE moved out, you have every right to lock him out and let him request entrance. This is NOT a public house. It is your personal residence. He has no right to permanent access since HE LEFT. If he wants his stuff, he can make arrangements with you for access WHEN YOU ARE AVAILABLE. And skip the loudmouth vibes. She probably just had cereal spilled on her best suit or something. Everybody has bad days... she just has more than most.

Remember that old saw that possession is 9 tenths of the law? You have accepted the "job" of selling the place. He is NOT welcome because he does NOT live there... he just scouts your belongings for what he wants to steal. He simply moved out, abdicating all responsibilities except for protecting his asset and his credit rating. If he stops PAYING, YOU WILL GET A PORTION OF HIS SHARE WHEN IT IS SOLD. But you might find that to be a burden... so maybe YOU would move out... and then both sets of credit records will be tarnished. But then the issue is that he is removing property that is partly yours without an accounting or payment to you... much less permission. Find a locksmith and be SURE he can't get in. Then go to small claims court and demand payment for your share of the stuff he took.

Last edited by boykinmama; 09-14-2008 at 08:44 AM.
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Old 09-14-2008, 08:45 AM   #8 (permalink)
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And Grace, that was not a compliment. It was agreement that you have two faces.
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Old 09-14-2008, 09:34 AM   #9 (permalink)
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My dear, of course you wouldn't see anything about the law in these postings--your first posting here admitted you had only ever been in a court room once in your entire life. It is understandable that you wouldn't recognize it. No one faults you for that. Listen and learn.

Bottom line--according to the law---the ownership of ANY property is designated by a DEED. Your geographical location is not relevant to the name on the deed. If I move out of my house and travel abroad for five years, do I lose my house? Obviously, no.

If my husband and I had a fight and he moved out to live with a buddy, he isn't surrendering his legal right to the property. The property is ( copied and pasted from her posting ) [COLOR=red]"(both of our names are on the title)",[COLOR=black] This means that until which time as HIS name is removed, HE is still joint legal owner of the property. Read on: [/COLOR][/COLOR]

Noun1.deed - a legal document signed and sealed and delivered to effect a transfer of property and to show the legal right to possess it;

Contrast this part of your posting:

[COLOR=darkorange]"I'm sure he took what he needed when he moved out"[/COLOR]

With THIS part from HER posting: ( not mine)

[COLOR=red]although he still has stuff here in the house.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=#ff0000][COLOR=black]It would seem your assumption is ( again ) incorrect. Where did she say "He took what he needed when he moved out"? Please pay attention to what the poster wrote and do not subject her posting to your own vehemence and anger. You are over reaching, with nothing to support your comments beside your own speculation. [/COLOR][/COLOR]


And regarding your little quote "possession is 9/10ths of the law"? Well, that obviously isn't the case, or we wouldn't have DEEDS to our homes and TITLES to our cars, vehicles, etc. Any legal legitimacy in that quote implies that ownership is easier to maintain if you have possession of something, and is much more difficult to enforce if you don't.

And this really is beyond the pale: "[COLOR=darkorange]he just scouts your belongings for what he wants to steal. He simply moved out, abdicating all responsibilities except for protecting his asset and his credit rating."[/COLOR]

[COLOR=black]Huh? I have read this thread repeatedly and do not see a single time the poster states she has a concern over his STEALING HER things. That is NOTHING but unfounded speculation and displays a very interesting view of your opinion of men in general. You cannot, legally, STEAL something of which you are JOINT OWNER. Of course, his taking things they own jointly is a pretty vindictive thing to do, but illegal, or theft? Nope. If they are JOINTLY owned, then unfortunately for the poster, they have an EQUAL RIGHT to them. The law doesn't rest on the 'scorned woman' rules.[/COLOR]

Abdicating his responsibility?? Did you even READ her postings? She said ( not me---she said) HE PAYS FOR HALF OF THE MORTGAGE--which means he is maintaining a property she 1. couldn't afford alone while 2. honoring his financial obligation which BOTH of them will benefit from at which time the house is sold.

The goal needs to be a collaborative effort in equity and fairness until which time a COURT can determine rightful ownership by dividing the assets.

You really need to stop turning all of these postings into personal attacks. Disagree with me all you want. But you really are on the way to being banned again. Am I worth denying the posters the benefit of your vast panacea of knowledge just to be spiteful to me? You are wasting your time, effort and emotion. Spend it on someone who cares.
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Last edited by GentleGrace; 09-14-2008 at 09:41 AM.
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Old 09-14-2008, 11:04 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Like I said, possession is nine tenths of the law...

If he would like to evict her because she won't let him use her home as a way station, he can try that, but he cannot walk in willy nilly just because his name is on the deed... and he certainly should not expect to use her bed and sheets and food. There is NO REASON TO EXPECT THAT. NOT EVEN A LANDLORD could get that kind of access to a tenant's property.

NO, he cannot stay... and the only way apparently to prevent him from staying is to lock him out... Nobody should have to put up with a former common law spouse stealing their personal property... or shared personal property. Theft of those things is the best reason to give a judge if he calls you on locking him out. But I doubt a judge would think Grace has any common sense.

But do go to the small claims court and get repaid your share of what he took already.

It really would help if you quit speed reading, Grace. You lack clarity and you miss content that you then complain that you didn't see. Not MY fault you didn't read it.

Last edited by boykinmama; 09-14-2008 at 12:47 PM.
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