Fighting Till the Bitter End

Everyone thinks Im crazy for wanting to stay in this home, after finding out that the lenders were not forthcomming with their information, was leading me to believe I would avoid foreclosue,with a loan mod. I spoke to literally dozens of reps, resolution specialists, supervisors, REO dept sups, probably everyone, not one person, during this emotional, gut wrenching, sick all the time, bitter,keeping away from family, friends, and society, wanting to really smash something with a louieville slugger, ride from hell. What I dont understand is why? Across the board...not a peep. The court docs I have were obtained legally off their website, so its not like they were really trying to hide much...maybe just from me. Should'nt I have received at least a notice of the judgement order from nov? I 've submitted hardships, every document they've requested. There are some faxes I have from them regarding modifications or "The Plan", that they were in court just before, saqme day , or just after.To this day... I could call them and ask how my status is on the loan mod, 100000.00 says they tell me its still pending. They dont know that I know...maybe they dont care. If I cant convince a lawyer to help me this wednesday, I will be in that courtroom filing the motion myself, of course I will make sure all is in order,and hope I can even do so. I just wanted a fair and square chance.