I have a pet and a no pets clause

actually i have two pets.
I moved into the building in 1994. At that time i had a cat, it was my child's cat. The apartment had a no pets clause. I decided to leave the cat with my neighbor at my previous apartment. But my neighbor changed his mind and did not accept the cat. I planned to find another home for the cat, but was never able to, and then, the cat just stayed. She has been there for 13 years and the management has never mentioned her. They have been in the apartment over the years. They have seen the pet bowls and the cat box. I assume the previous manager was ok with the cat being there, though it was never discussed. The place is under different management now for a few years.

A year ago i got a dog because i was very lonely and depressed. I live alone, my daughter moved out in 2001, i'm losing my mother to dementia and am in charge of her care (not fun) and i work a grueling job as a child abuse social worker. I have not felt up to socializing but was lonely, and decided that having a friendly affectionate dog would help me emotionally. The dog is a friendly happy affectionate creature/family member who has a therapeutic effect on me. He makes me laugh and i have something alive to hug. It helps.

My manager recently discovered i have this dog. He wrote me a letter saying other tenants had contacted him. He did not say they complained about the dog's behavior He said that they asked if it's a no pets building, why can i have a dog and not them. He said that he did not know what to say to them because i had not talked to him about this.

He is a very nice manager, supportive, respectful, kind. I am heartsick at the idea of having a conflict with him or damaging our very good relationship. I need my dog. I am hoping for a way of solving this in a nonadversarial way. I would like to ask for the dog to be considered a reasonable accommodation in my living space for my emotional distress which has impaired my ability to enjoy my home and my life. I would like a modification in the no pets clause of my lease. I am sure i can have my doctor, or a therapist or psychologist, write a letter documenting my genuine emotional need for the dog, in supporting my social and occupational functioning.

I might draw on the fact, as well, that the previous manager acquiesced in the cat, having seen evidence that i had her over many years, so i wasn't taking the no pets clause as inflexible when i got the dog. It was reasonable for me to think it was not strictly enforced, as it wasn't in the case of my cat.

Has anyone had experience with this? Does anyone have any suggestions on how to go about this? Can it be done without getting adversarial? That's my hope.

It appears to me that you've already answered your question. It's always worth an attempt to negotiate, if your current lease doesn't contain languague prohibiting pets in your building/complex. If that's the case, you can discuss this with your landlord; if you believe it will strengthen your position, yes, you can get a "doctor's letter" recommending a household pet as part of your ongoing therapy. Unfortunately, if your lease already doesn't allow for pets, you're pretty much at your landlord's mercy .. and other tenants are well within their rights to question as they have. At the very least, I would suggest you volunteer a "pet deposit" as part of your arrangement .. standard deposits can run anywhere from $25-$100, depending on the location and help landlords offset damages as a result of the pets when tenants vacate. There are no guarantees your landlord will agree, but I do believe it's worth a try.
Aside from that, and this is only my opinion, you might do well to seek out a counselor to talk to. From the tone of your post, I think you could use a professional's guidance, if nothing more than to act as a "sounding board." Ask about "pet therapy." (Yes, that's really being practiced more often than you may think.)
Yours is a necessary profession, but I do know from experience that it's also a "high turnover" one, and quite a few of your peers face career burnout from time to time. You seem a tad overwhelmed there..having professional help (along with the dog) may help lighten your load a bit. (Again, my opinion and not to be construed as legal advice.)
Good luck to you.

If I can make a parallel to your reasoning: The "law" where you live states, "NO PETS". Your declaring the fact that "no one said anything about it before" does not indicate acquiesence. Thats like me speeding past a police officer and saying, "Well, he didn't stop me. It must be ok". This type of logic has no basis whatsoever. You knew the rules of the property where you lived. You broke them. Again, an example. If the doctor or therapist says you need a particular Rx for depression, or anxiety to help you through this time, and you take it and disregard the label that says "DO NOT DRIVE WHILE USING THIS PRODUCT", you can reason, "Well, the doctor SAYS I have to have it. And I need to get to work. Therefore, the rules do not apply to me." Do you see how your logic isn't rational? Your thought processes reminds me of the "to each his own" mentality. While it makes perfect sense to you, to everyone else who is adversely affected, it isn't fair.

Another example: A retirement community that stipulates no kids. Through a tragic set of circumstances, lets say, God forbid, your daughter dies and you become the guardian of her child. You LIVE in a community that does not allow children for a REASON. You cannot expect everyone who pays for a child-free community to simply overlook your life circumstances. While certainly everyone feels for your going through a difficult time in your life, you cannot make new rules just for you. "Need" is a subjective term--it is not, however, the equivalent of life support. The answer to this is very clear--simply move. You knew the rules before you lived there, and viewing the fact they have been sympathetic for so long and over looked it as some kind of taciturn acceptance is not reasonable or lawful.

Over half the people that I know--myself included--with three dogs, view their pets as children, as members of the family. To lose one would be like losing a child. I suspect there are dozens of people in your complex whose lives would be enriched and much more joyful by having a pet, even as yours is. How can you expect you to be allowed and they cannot?

I understand stress, I understand what you are going through in your life. As I wrote in another posting in this forum, I received a phone call three weeks ago from an out-of-town hospital telling me my husband of twenty years had been in an accident. By the time I got there, he had died in a head on collision with a school bus, which ignited the truck in which he was a passenger, resulting in his suffering a horrific death. That , however,wasn't the worst part. The worst part was telling our seven school aged children that daddy was never coming home--and watch the grief and anguish pierce their hearts. I realizing reading that does absolutely nothing for YOUR pain. But, please, understand, it isn't right to use hardship or heartache as an excuse to create your own set of rules that penalize other people--many of whom are suffering as well. Do you understand?

Your pet is paramount to you. The establishments right to a pet free environment is also paramount. The reasonable and honorable thing for you to do is move. Again, I know---I'm moving an entire household from the house my husband bought us three years ago. Grief? Painful memories? Tears falling with every box that is packed? Tell me. I know. But, the children and the pets we have are the primary reason I AM making this move---as opposed to violating city ordinances, like putting up a fence ( against the local law downtown) to keep the dogs in. My only option is to move where they have room and freedom to roam.

No one said it is going to be easy. The right thing to do rarely is. Instead of only considering introspectively your current hardship, try to look at it as it affect countless other people's lives. Maybe then being more objective about it will be easier.

Be well.