grandaughter

My 5 yr old grandaughter came to stay with me once again this weekend. Her mom is in rehab again. My son's name is NOT on the birth certificate. I just simply want to get her in school. I'm told I can't without some kind of guardianship? custody? I don't know what to do!! Can someone please guide me in the right direction?

Is there any paperwork giving your son legal right to the child? Is he ordered to pay child support? Does he have vistiation? If so, cannot HE put the child into school?

If the answer to those questions is no, you need to head to court (or your son does) and become established as the legal father of this child and set up vistiation (this would be a good time to do it while she is in rehab---he, or you, would probably be granted primary custody---and you guardianship. ). If you have no legal right to the child, your hands are tied.

Also, while she is in rehab, you can go to the court and ask for guardianship (this is different from parental rights, or what your son needs to do to be established as father). You can petition the court for emergency hearing to ask for guardianship---the fact your son isnt the legal father yet is immaterial for guardianship. Some people also get DSS involved---something I would personally never do. But if you go to DSS and say "Look, I have this child. Help me get her into school"----they would ascertain if you were an acceptable alternative (see if they think the kid is at risk) and then THEY can ask the court for you to be named guardian, but personally I'd steer clear of DSS altogether. The less government intrusion into our private lives, the better.

Good luck.

The answer is no to those questions. He hasn't seen his daughter in 3 or 4 yrs. I really can't afford a lawyer so can I go to family court to talk to a judge and get this guardianship?

While they cannot give you legal advice, they can give you procedural advice. Go to court and tell them you have suddenly been given care of your grandaughter and ask them how to proceed. Having your son obtain and assert his parental rights would be a good idea at this point.

Okay I'll try family court today. But the days are clicking off that she is missing school in the meantime. I understand the schools reasonings for their actions, with kidnapping and child abduction and such in this cruel world we live in. Just pray for me Grace that God will make a way. When all else fails I know His will shall be done. Thanks for the advice.

As for my son getting his rights at this point. He is afraid to do anything like that because he will have to pay child support. And that in turn takes money from his beer and drugs account. If you know what I mean. It is a sad situation and my beautiful grandaughter is caught in the middle.

At age five (depending on when her birthday is) she may not be at the mandatory age for schooling. Also, another possibility, homeschooling (it isn't this big hard ordeal that you would think--especially at such a young grade). My feeling is, given the childs traumatic life at this point, perhaps she needs some bonding and comfort more than she NEEDS her ABC'S at this point.

Another aside--and this isn't legal advice, but just LIFE advice as a former teacher and mother----perhaps establishing paternity, and getting an order for child support (holding him accountable) will force him to grow up and face some difficult choices. The fact he does NOT want to is immaterial----Im sure you have faced tough love with a kid making poor choices like this. Sadly, this poor choices are affecting an innocent child. If he doesn't pay he goes to jail. Sounds harsh, doesn't it?? It ISN'T. You may save his life.

At this point, her paternity isn't as urgent as the need to establish YOUR guardianship. This means when Mommy come back and relapses, the child is afforded some stability because she isn't jerked around based on moms usage and/or dads disinterest.

Apply for assistance---try to get foodstamps and medicaid to help care for her (once you are guardian). THEY will pursue him for child support FOR you. And that way you won't be "the bad guy" , nor will you have to pay for paternity testing.

Ask the court. If necessary, just CALL DSS and ask them. Tell them you are suddenly in possession of your grand child and her parents are missing in action and you want to get legal guardianship so you can get the child into SCHOOL because she is missing school. I bet then can help you.

I have repeatedly, in my own life, as a widow with children, seen God show Himself faithful. Your granddaughter is fortunate to have you.

My best to you both.

Thanks Grace. I don't want to push the issue right now until I get some sort of guardianship established. Then I will jump in with both feet. I called Family Court this a.m. and was told I could not talk to a judge without a lawyer???? I told them I knew different and they changed their tune and said I could fill out some paperwork and pay $150 and then I could talk to him. This is ridiculous isn't it. Should it cost me to talk to a judge?

Well, no it shouldn't but it is entirely possible that a judges entire day would be filled up with people popping in asking for help and direction so in some ways I do understand. I would ask, when I get there, exactly what the money is for---I don't think its for a few minutes of the judges time---that isn't how it works. He doesn't sell his time by the billing hour. It may be for the court cost to begin a guardianship----I honestly don't believe you are actually "paying to talk to a judge". That would be a HUGE conflict of interest. Perhaps its the poor way the clerk explained the situation. Im certain that isn't what the money is for.

I am interested in how this unfolds. Please, keep in touch. And best wishes.

I called back to family court this p.m. and was told something totally different by a different clerk. I appreciate your help grace and I might need it again and I will surely keep you updated. Again thanks and God bless