legal father vs. paternal father

My case is in Idaho, I live in California.
I married a gal who told me that I was the father of her unborn. The timing was right so I did what I thought was best for the child. We seperated 2 weeks after we were married, she wasnt who I thought she was. I dropped in to spend time with my son when she alowed me, which wasnt very often.(twice a month or so.) For the next four years I saw him maybe a dozen times. No real connection. We stayed legally married for those 4 years till I could afford the divorce.
Evidently, there was a hearing I knew nothing about that was for the support. In this hearing, It was asked of me if I contested paternity or support. By default, by me not being there, it was assumed I had no objection. Meanwhile, I was paying child support anyway because she was getting assistance from the state. I just thought I was doing my duty.
My divorce was finalized in Jan of 07, and about 6 months later she told me that he wasnt mine and named the father. I immediatly got a paternity test and sure enough, not mine.
I took her to court for paternity fraud and lost, due to the testimony of the potential father stating he was infertal, the State claiming that by default I am the father so I cant attack the original order and the mothers claim that she told me before we got married. "Lack of evidence for a cause of action" I couldnt prove that she didnt tell me.
I represented myself...
(Praise the attorneys.. Its hard to perform.)
Especially if you dont know what you are doing.
Now I have filed an action against the potential father, asking the court to have him obtain a paternity test, sign an acknowlegment of paternity and have the court relieve me of his duty.
His attorney says he is going to file a motion to dismiss, says there is a case where the natural father won because he had no desire or relations with the child. Great, what do I have? Nothing. I dont know where to start.
Im not trying to get out of this because Im selfish. The child has a dad out there who is single and well off. I can hardly afford the 3 other children at home. He deserves better than $100 a month that he gets from me.
What can I do? Is there a case that I could reffer too as well? uggggg.....

As a widow with children I can assure you that the $100 a month he gets from you is NOT what he needs and wants the most.

Is there a legal answer out there?

The fact the attorney can find ONE case in favor for his client in no way means that the judge will rule the same in THIS case. If you want case law to support the man who has been the father for four years terminating his rights, look it up. Google it. But just because you can point to one case that goes against current popular ruling doesn't mean it will weight the judge in your favor any more than the case his lawyer intends to present will. Unfortunately for you, there is a lot more law supporting the legal fathers right to continue to parent a child that he later finds out is biologically someone elses than the opposite----a legal father trying to pass the kid off, after a certain number of years , to a man the kid doesn't even know. So, as far as case law goes, he is WAY ahead of you.

The crux of your case is that you were MARRIED to the mother of the child. She was your wife, you were her husband. In most states when a child is born in wedlock, the husband is presumed to be the legal father. And since you were married for four years, you were the father for four years---whether or not you attempted to be a DAD (for whatever reason).

Another problem you are going to have-----the "she wouldn't let me see the kid" thing really lacks sincerity and I will tell you why. If there was an order for child support, there was also visitation. If she did not let you see the child per the visitation order, you go to court and inform them she is in violation of the court order. The point is if you WANTED to see the child, she could not have (from a legal standpoint) STOPPED YOU. I presume you are trying to suggest you WOULD have had a great loving relationship with the kid if she had only ALLOWED YOU...... So what you said begs the question to be asked---you had YEARS to remedy the situation--and you never did. Is it because you had no desire to---but it sounds better to say "She wouldn't let me see the kid?" If thats the case, say so to the judge. Expressing your total disinterest may make him feel as though perhaps the other guy MAY be a better father than you in the long run.

And I meant what I said earlier--I would lose the whole " the kids dad has a lot of money and he deserves more than the hundred bucks a month I send". Waltz into a court room and say that to a judge and he will, in all probability say , "You are correct. Lets make it $200!" Ive seen it happen.

You see the law assumes that a man who has BEEN a childs father for four years would give his last breath to continue to be that childs father. But, obviously, as you have stated, you have three kids and this one is a spare----try that in court. At least its honest. And I am not being sarcastic. I'm serious.

The tragedy in all of this is not the hundred bucks a month you are "out". The tragedy is that this child has not one but TWO "fathers"---and neither one wants him/her. I know, I know, get mad at me for saying so. But I would not try to convince a judge that your motives are altruistic ---"The kid deserves the guy with more money! Really!!" Please, don't try that.

Tell the truth. Say I haven't ( for whatever reason) bonded with the kid. We do not have father/child relationship. The PROBLEM is----while you may not FEEL like the kids father, you ARE the LEGAL father-----and are, at this point, a better option than a complete stranger (in the eyes of the court). It's going to be an uphill battle to rid yourself of this kid.

I would agree with you though. The child deserves better.

The sad part is, is instead of fighting about who gets the kid, its about who doesnt want him... I can see how that looks. Of course I have thought that before.
But the reality is, I am not his father. I was lied to by her since the beginning for many years. She is my reason for this pain. Her and I are toxic around eachother. It is not good for him to see his "parents" loath eachother. I know most divorced families are like that, so I am trying to prevent that for him. His natural father and mother at least like eachother. He has been her friend since I could remember, so fortunatley he is not too much of a stranger to them. My problem is, he is resisting for some reason.
I am even willing to split the responsability for him... as you stated, he has two fathers.
I am just looking to be able to have something legal behind me for court instead of just my opinion, ya know?

There is some legitimacy to some of the things you are saying. However, some things you are saying should not be used as basis to support what you are trying to do. Saying you are "toxic" with the mother isn't going to help your claim because the courts response will be either "It was good enough to have s3x and make a kid" OR " grow up and get counseling to learn to get along enough so the kids aren't hurt". I agree with you that it isn't good for a child to see parents fightning. But, the courts response to that is not to terminate your rights----but rather get counseling.

Also, the fact you are married (were) is going to work against you because the law in most states requires whomever the mother is married to, to be the father. "Sharing" parenting with the other dad would be confusing to the child. While I realize this problem is NOT of your making and I agree it is unfair for you to be the one who has to pay for the child, the courts ONLY concern is the childs best interest. My feeling is the court is going to say that the only man he has known as his dad and the man who was married to his mother is a better more reasonable choice to parent the child than a man he doesn't even know.

I know it doesn't help to know this, but you have an opportunity to make an incredible difference in this childs life. He will undoubltely figure out one day (probably from his mother who has already shown her true colors) "Hey, look, your dad didn't even want you---he went to COURT to KEEP from being your dad." My hope is you will think more highly of yourself and realize how important YOU personally can be and are to this child----fathers aren't interchangable. I have seen this first hand since the death of my husband in a work accident. My children became very fond of a good friend of my husbands---and he acts as a father to them. They don't think he is their father but his presence in their life eases the pain of losing their dad. But the two men are not interchangable.

While this child is not yours biologically, it takes a lot more than biology to determine what makes a man a true father.

I hope your ex has an awareness of how her selfishness and lying has adversely affected a lot of innocent people. May she determine to spend the rest of her life buildling up and benefitting those she has hurt, and not undermining and hurting them further.

Good luck.

Your ex-wife is the selfish party in here. You were tricked into getting married to her saying that the child was yours. Maybe the reason why she didn't let you see the child more often because it was not really years. Maybe you can file another case against her. You need to talk to other lawyers to help you (Tampa family law) though it might be expensive. Good luck with your case.

What GOOD is a TAMPA FLORIDA lawyer going to do him if he doesn't LIVE in FLORDIA?

Take your spam to anothe forum. It isn't welcomed here. You are in violation of our terms of service by spamming---and it says a lot about your lack of ethics.

In fact, here is a list where you joined another forum and spammed advertising for THREE separate companies. Geez.

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