Help For Adult Child

Many years ago I hooked up with a male-pig just long enough for him to impregnate me. I dumped him & he's made my life a living hell ever since.

During my entire pregnancy he showed up with 2 items. One was a boy's outfit & the other one was a broken crib. Everything else our baby had was from my family or our friends. My mom worked for atty's...obviously not the kind of atty's I needed...but her atty friends gave her some cool stuff.

Because we weren't married therefore weren't divorced I didn't know how to go about establishing paternity & getting anything court ordered. We made a verbal agreement at $200/mo & that's what my sickly kid & I lived on the first 8 years of her life. More often then not...just to upset me...he'd send it to my mom forcing me to make an extra trip to her house so she could sign the check over to me & I go cash it.

My kid was a sickly kid. I would lose babysitter after babysitter therefore job after job. We got public housing, food stamps, & Medicaid. My kid's dad came to see her maybe 4 times in 13 years & barely paid attention when he did show up. She went to see him 2 or 3 times but he & his family got on her nerves so bad she cut the trips short.

When my kid was 8 I got married, got a great job, got great insurance, got my kid well, got diagnosed with a few things myself, got divorced, then got fired for being sick & lost my insurance. Still I worked several more jobs, went to college, & was trying to start/run my own home biz on the side. About all my kid could do was cause trouble before & after school, at school, she trashed my furniture, & she ran any prospective friends or boyfriends off. She wanted it me & her & she wanted me doing anything & everything for her. Then my mom died & the crap hit the fan.

So I took my then 15 year old teenager who refused to lift a finger to her dad who also refused to lift a finger. They convinced each other & their friends that not only should I be working outside the home but also still cooking for & cleaning up after a 15 year old as well. I wasn't seen as trying to start/run my own home biz...I was seen as playing on the net all day. I was seen as abusive & neglectful. So I left them alone together for 4 mo's.

I couldn't even leave town & he already screwed up. He got in a wreck with our kid in the car & the person in the other car was killed instantly. Now our kid refuses to drive a car. Then he dumped his elderly mom & clinically proven insane sister...both of whom had shock therapy & were basic strangers to my child...on my high school student. She was expected to play caregiver & it didn't work out very well so next thing you know she's telling kids at school she wished she could just die.

While I was off looking for help I was actually being used, ripped off, kicked out & left homeless, raped, harassed, assaulted, stalked & cyberstalked. I went back to my baby to find out what was going on then the elderly woman & insane sister were dumped on me...a sick/disabled woman. And all anybody in this house knows how to do is scream/yell & threaten like children. I was calling APS thinking the elderly woman would've been better off in a nursing home. I was calling the mental hospital thinking the insane sister would've been better off there. Somebody called CPS because my kid was telling kids at school she wished she could just die. Nobody would help us. They told me to take my kid to counseling. I said what good would it do when we have to come back to this? If you ordered the entire house to go we might've gotten somewhere but no.

Basically after a huge fight the insane sister dropped dead of a massive heart attack & was left to rot 4 days. They hadn't even hauled her body out yet & her brother was already making fun of her. This woman not only helped raise him but also his son. After her closed casket funeral I took my kid & fled.

Her father threatened to quit paying child support the minute she turned 18 even though she still had a few more months of high school. So I got the CSEA involved who started garnishing his wages 2/3 months before she graduated & paid me later then he ever did. Otherwise she not only didn't hear from him she didn't get birthday or Christmas presents or a graduation gift.

We got back here & she told me I was either going to haul her to school or she wasn't going. So yeah I hauled her half-way across town so she could go to better schools with her best friend. She still wouldn't hardly lift a finger for me...not without much fighting first. I had to force her to get a job plus haul her back/forth to it too even though it was just down the street. She refused to walk or ride a bus in this neighborhood. But she finally graduated high school & sure enough her father quit giving her a dime the second she did.

I had been fighting for disability & finally won. Since she was graduated & I am disabled I said she's going to walk & ride a bus 'til she wants to learn how to drive. Instead she quit her job & refuses to sign up for college classes even though she can go to college for free.

She's been screaming fear of this & fear of that so I've been taking her to people & they've given her drugs she refuses to take then claims they don't work. She wouldn't do anything for me or herself either one. I tried to get all kinds of pros & agencies & orgs involved & can only look like an abusive or neglectful a-hole. We can't prove her as crazy as her relatives so I can't put her in a group or nursing home.

She's at least a dependent & also a pathological liar. But now she's an adult & there's nothing I can do about it. I called her father & insisted he help us out with a driver's training course & a car. Instead he got her on the phone & promised her the moon & stars again. So next thing you know instead of growing up & becoming responsible she dumped my sick/disabled butt in the worst projects in Tulsa & went back to the liar/abuser/neglecter that's disrespected us her whole life.

I want her to get the help she finally needs. There's something seriously wrong with a child who refuses to help their sick/disabled parents. And not just that but run off all their other help or destroy their reputation so they can't get any help.

And I want to see him in jail where he belongs. There's something seriously wrong with a "man" who would teach his daughter to disrespect the one who raised her. He promised her free rent/bills/food/insurance/college plus a driver's training course & car but only if she moved there. What kind of man teases his own daughter like that? And how do these things help her...free rent/bills/food/etc. He told her she only had to work if she wanted to.

He's trying to keep her disabled & stuck at home with him just like he did with his mom & sister. No one else will put up with him so he forces himself on family...or tries to buy them off. He's sick. He's still abusing/neglecting & disrespecting my daughter. But she's such a dependent she'll put up with it versus growing up & helping herself.

Having me here sick/disabled & alone & her there disabled & abused/neglected is absolutely ridiculous. I can't believe no one can step in & do anything against her father for causing a lot of this. She's been gone since January yet still don't know how to drive, isn't working, & isn't signed up for college classes. I wouldn't be surprised if her pell grant hasn't expired. He also didn't get her on any kind of insurance therefore she can't get any better. She's 19+ with no clue how to take care of herself but all she can talk about is a divorced man with a kid & wanting to have a baby. What can I do?

Congrats. You have displayed every failure in your entire life on a message board on the world wide web--for what reason? I haven't a CLUE.

But, your problems are MUCH deeper than anything that anyone here could BEGIN to touch.

I got as far as you calling your sperm donor a male pig, then I read as far as your sentence saying you abandoned her to him. Way to go.

Are you making this up as you go along?

Start with mental health---for YOU. If--and I do mean IF they let you out, THEN consider an attorney.

You are a terrifying woman. Get help.

Wow...I started 3 post & all you could do was cyberstalk me & run off at the mouth. If this was my site you'd be banned. This is a help site & people are here for help not you're BS opinions. I'll be going elsewhere now w/ mature adults not some admin/mod wanna-be.

Rest assured, not a single person actually READ through all of that.

Everyone makes mistakes in their life, and everyone has heartache and tragedy---but not everyone goes to a LEGAL forum and outlines it in minute detail.

Again, for what reason? This isn't MENTAL health.

It is a LEGAL FORUM. I don't see a SINGLE question mark in your posting, besides the last sentence, a rhetorical "What can I do?"

You seriously want someone here to tell you what to do about twenty years worth of mistakes, failures, experiences, and interactions? These are a part of EVERYONE'S life. How can anyone TELL you how to fix yours?

I still don't see the first LEGAL question. All I see is a litany of complaints about how the whole entire world has done wrong to you, yet none of it, even the obvious poor choices, are YOUR responsibility. It's ALL someone else's fault. Sorry--voluntary victimization isn't my cup of tea.

Oh, take it from someone whose graduate school thesis was a
Phenomenological Study of Internet Stalking, answering two messages on a legal forum is not only not "cyber stalking", your allegation that it is cast serious doubts on the accuracy of your other claims as well.

You can sit here all day but no one can 'fix' you.

You have to fix YOURSELF.

Then why don't you stop talking about your life grace? We get tired of hearing about yours too. The posters come to the forum as REAL people no matter who they are. You always continue to be cruel to those that are seeking help. I have asked the ADMIN to stop you many times... but you are still here. It is obvious that you drudged up an old post with a BANNED member to "show-off" .. once again... but as you see people with law knowledge KNOW you as fake. I don't worry about them at all... who I do worry about is that person that took the time to type out a lengthy letter to post and you diagram their sentences or act like they have no reason posting. I applaude Boykinmama for putting you in your place... and how did you react??? You reacted as we all predicted and you were banned for a while. Yes, everyone saw that.

I just had to comment, because you somehow got the person banned above that has done nothing more than you have on this forum. You could answer them with kindness, but you are only here for yourself for kicks.

I would like to share a saying my deceased Mother shared with me and it has rang so true. "An intelligent person gets along with people, they may not always agree. When one has to putdown another to try to show their smarts, it hurts not only the person that they put down, but it shows just how retarded socially they are." Your words will and never will hurt me. I am however, sick and tired of you hurting others.

My last post unless you leave the forum.

Wow, two postings on this forum and NEITHER one has addressed a single thing BESIDES ME. (that pales in comparision to the 90 web pages eh?) My dear Anne, I figured that mentioning my thesis would bring you out of hiding. Shall we share the the posters that YOU were the catalyst that brought me into the legal field in the first place? For that AND for very special friends a long the way, I thank you. I owe you more than you could ever know --because of you, some wonderful people are in my life. And, are in my life again, both of us being granted the 'different time and place' we wished for. And for that I am deeply grateful. No sarcasm implied. I owe you for giving me what money could never buy.

One of the nicest features of this site is the IGNORE button. Please, feel free to click it and you will be spared the agony of following my postings with bated breath. (You really follow my postings and "predict" what will happen next? Wow, and here all that time I was KIDDING about having a fan club! Who is 'we' and when do these 'predictions about Gracie chats' take place??) too funny.

It is a sad day when people are attacked for encouraging someone to take control of their life and BE the change they want so desperately. To tell this misguided woman that she is right, she is EVERYONE in the whole world's victim is grossly unfair. If she stops thinking of herself as a victim and starts seeing herself as empowered to change her life and make proper healthy and positive choices, she will be given the greatest gift of all---HOPE.

Continue to victimize her? That is, in and of itself, a travesty.

Information is POWER. Hopefully, at some point, she will reach out and grasp it with both hands.

And that, my dear, is how you write a posting without name calling.

And, thanks.

And here goes Boykinmama with her two cents.

Poster, your life is demeaning, you totally abdicate your responsibility to protect yourself and continue making ugly remarks about a man you cared for at one time. Neither of you are working on being parents. You both are using your daughter for a means to punish the other... but both of you don't seem to see that you are punishing your daughter. Now she's been neglected for such a long time that she doesn't have a clue as to what a real person can expect out of life. You certainly haven't given her an education in that area. He has just been trying to get to you. You both failed her.

You have made your own agreements, you don't even seem to know that it is over as far as the legal system goes. She is of age.

So instead of coming to a legal aid forum, please seek counseling so you can at least begin to live a real life instead of this "poor me" version. It is up to you to teach your daughter by example that YOU can life a righteous life... and that includes inviting her to visit and showing her that you are not in dire straits because you have begun to work on YOURSELF.

My sister is on disability and manages... it is not great, but she has friends, has a life, and has found ways to use Walmart as a place to pace off her exercise so she can lose weight. She just doesn't shop. She has always been there for me in a way you don't seem to be able to be there for your daughter. She listens. In return, I do for her in ways she cannot provide. If you think about your daughter as being a crutch, she won't come around. If you think of her in terms of family, then you will find ways to keep in touch and to keep a happy face on. A counselor could probably help you see ways to feel better about your life... and if you can turn YOURS around, then maybe, just maybe, your daughter could use your experience as a guide on how to turn her life around and actually stop demeaning herself by messing with married men. But YOU NEED TO LEAD THE WAY. You are your daughter's only hope to picture herself as NOT a child of a broken life, broken home. Try your best to give her that new image of YOU and your life so she can begin to get the picture of what it looks like.

You came here looking for something. You've received the best we can do for you. Now why don't you spend some time trying to figure out what YOU can do for yourself. Your daughter is grown... all you can do for her is to give her a picture she can emulate. Don't keep up this complaining nag image. Do something for yourself. Help her see that you can.

My compliments. That was stellar.

I couldn't agree more.

To Whom It May Concern,

I actually banned Dawn for posting outside links in her signature.

admin