Motorcycle for a 3 yr old?

Hello All,
My question doesn't really fit into any of the forum topics, but since it deals with my step daughter I'm hoping someone in here might be able to point me in the right direction.
My husband and his ex wife have joint custody of their 3 yr old daughter. His ex wife is the custodial parent so his daughter primarily resides with her. This past summer a few months before his daughter turned 3 we were dropping her off and my husband's ex wife and her new husband announced that they had bought his daughter a motorcycle. They also purchased one for her husband's son who was 5 at the time. She showed my husband motorcycle pants and a shirt. She had also bought a helmet, but not a full face helmet which any motorcycle instructor will tell you is more safe. My husband tells me that while they were still married and his daughter was only a year old she had wanted to buy her a motorcycle. However, my husband, who is a VERY experienced motorcycle rider refused because he thought his daughter was far too young. Although he expressed to his ex wife that he felt it was a safety issue to have her on this type of bike his ex wife ignored him. Over the next couple of months she came to our house with bruises and at one point a burn. She told us that the bike fell on her. The bike has some type of training wheels that attach to the sides so that if she tips one way or the other it's supposed to stay upright. We took pictures of the injuries and we called child services. They told my husband it didn't fall into the catagory of abuse or neglect so there was nothing they could do. When she again showed up with more bruises that she told us were related to her "vroom vroom" my husband contacted the police dept. He asked them to please at least do a health and welfare inspection. At first the police seemed concerned and told him that a child that age should not be on anything with a gas powered engine. They went to the house several times, but no one was ever home. At the end of the summer his ex wife moved to a city closer to us and his daughter told us that her "vroom vroom" was broken and she couldn't ride it. We were relieved. Now she's started talking about riding it again. No matter how many times my husband has brought up the issue of safety to his ex she won't budge. It's almost as though she wants his daughter to ride it simply because he is against it. I'm wondering if any knows where I might go to find out how old a child has to be to be operating this motorcycle or who else we could contact. We would like to reslove the whole thing before the weather is warm enought to worry about her being on it.

Thanks in advance!

I forgot to mention we live in the state of Utah in Davis County. I understand each state more than likely has different laws on this. I have already contacted the state safety dept with no replies.

Information about Utah's child abuse statutes can be located easily by pasting this into your internet browser and conducting a search: Utah Code Ann. § 76-5-109(3). Quoting directly from the statute:

"Section 76-5-109 of the Utah Code, prohibits the intentional, knowing, reckless, or criminally negligent infliction of a physical injury on a child. Utah Code Ann. § 76-5-109(3). Subsection (1)(c) of that statute defines "physical injury" as:

an injury to or condition of a child which impairs the physical condition of the child, including:
(i) a bruise or other contusion of the skin;
(ii) a minor laceration or abrasion;
(iii)failure to thrive or malnutrition; or
(iv) any other condition which imperils the child's health or welfare and which is not a serious physical injury as defined in subsection (1)(d).
(Emphasis added.)"

If your husband as the child's other custodial parent believes that child abuse or endangerment exists, and if he can't settle this with calm discussion with his ex (or even with mediation,) I'd suggest he contact a family or divorce attorney to determine if the circumstances you've described meet your state's definition. In all likelihood, the social services department that you contacted are probably already overwhelmed with other, more drastic instances of abuse cases and may not consider yours severe enough to merit intervention. That can easily be determined by an attorney in your area. I would also suggest that the 2 of you bring your documentation, i.e. photos, evidence of calls to the police department, etc with you as your fears alone aren't suffficient proof.

Good luck to you and your family. Your heart is in the right place.

Thank you so much for the quick reply.

We did seek the advice of a divorce attorney and he was the one who suggested we call child services. Of course, as you stated, I'm sure that the DCFS here in Utah has a huge number of cases that are far more sever than ours. The attorney had also suggested that there might be a law that prohibited a child her age from operating anything with a gas engine, but he would have to do some research. The motorcycle isn't the first incident of cuts, bruises, extreme diaper rash, ect that we've seen over the last year and a half. My husband and I don't really think that his ex wife is beating her or anything like that....we simply think that his daughter isn't being supervised very well and that his ex wife ignores safety such as the motorcycle and various other things. We do have all of the pictures we've taken of her injuries and I also keep a dairy of each and every event, incident, and issue that we have with his ex wife. But I've been told by some people that diarys and journals won't stand up in court. Is that true? Calm conversations don't happen with her and she will not hesitate to scream and shout at him in front of their daughter.

Mediation is something that my husband and I have discussed on a couple of occasions. In fact we discussed it this past weekend when his daughter told us that her mommy says her last name is a bad word and she also told us that her step father let her try beer. It's just one of those situations where we really wish that the other party would be mature and do the right thing. But it appears that this won't happen without getting courts involved. Can you tell me in your experience how succesful mediation normally is?

Again I am most appreciative.

Mediation works as well as the parties involved will allow it to. If all sides are ready to calmly discuss matters with an objective 3rd party involved, resolution is possible. If involved in an emotionally charged situation, this may not be easily accomplished and if any parties are unwilling to either compromise or reach an agreement, then mediation obviously can't be successful. Diaries or journals in this type of situation probably aren't the most objective documentation; that would be better substantiated either by time/date stamped photographs or sworn affadavits from other outside witnesses to the situations you've described. At this point, mediation appears best suited for this patricular situation. (It certainly couldn't hurt.)

I am not sure why it is your responsibility to "resolve" anything. If you think abuse is happening, document it, report it and let the powers that be do their job investigating and acting accordingly. If they have declared it unfounded, it is advisable that you let it go. You are not the child's mother, and her biological father has relinquished his right to daily contact and input in her life when he divorced and married you. Unfortunately, the ex-wife has the proverbial "lions share" when it comes to making child rearing decisions. Unfair, but that's how it goes.

I believe that you are going to have difficulty proving that letting a young child ride a specially equipped motorcycle is tantamount to child abuse. While you obviously wouldn't do it and I certainly wouldn't do it, if there is no law governing it, I don't see how you are going to "prove" that it is neglectful.

Try to make a parallel to things like, for example, horseback riding. I have literally seen children in DIAPERS clinging to the mane of a horse and I spilled my coffee on the spot. But, as I watched them, I realized that this was something native to their culture and it was something they learned to do before they walked. Of course, they get bumped and bruised up, but I had no right to stand up and demand that this behavior stop. You see, THEY had the same right I have--and the same right YOU have---and that is simply to order their lives as they see fit within the confines of the law. I assume if "protective" devices are created for these bikes, then it is not against the law. Of course, a lack of parental supervision is.

I have seen kids in soccer matches sustain horrific injuries. I have even seen a little boy in one of my classes merely WALK across the playground and have his leg turn just a bit and he sustained a significant injury requiring surgery. Equating BRUISES with ABUSE is a dangerous assumption.

I was frail as a child and even now, I bruise easily. I have even had colleagues take me aside and ask me if I was in an abusive relationship since I seem to have perpetual bruises and scrapes. Don't automatically equate them with abuse.

In my neck of the woods, children ( not mine ) get dirt bikes, four wheelers, horses, etc. ---all of which CAN cause significant injury. But if you ask some people that are proficient and masterful at a sport, many of them will tell you they started at a young age and learned to love the sport and not be fearful. While obviously three is a bit young to do much more than play with baby dolls, to call it child abuse, even if she has bumps and bruises is a difficult position to justify. Also, the fact that the complaint is coming from the little girls biological fathers new wife really does not lend credibility to it at all.

The bottom line is the court gave the EX WIFE primary custody for a reason. Unless you can prove she is categorically and willfully neglectful, you are in for an uphill fight that will do little to endear you to the child or the other parent. If you have let the proper authorities know, and they have investigated through proper channels and have declared it unfounded, you need to let it go for the simple reason that continuing to try to superimpose YOUR "druthers" as to how this child should be raised has no legal substantiation at all, if the review of the situation by CPS has determined that there is no "abuse" occurring. Your opinion or my opinion that a child should not be part of this activity is irrelevant if there is no law against it.

No one wants to see a child abused. If you have documented it, and reported it thoroughly, to continue in this venue could appear to a court as being harassing and could jeopardize the biological fathers rights at contact with the child. Any further attempts could also be perceived by the court as vindictive and vengeful, "sour grapes" if you will, and could make it seem as though these investigated and dismissed "complaints" are merely attempts at getting custody, and have no legitimate merit at all.

I am not sure how mediation would help at all. First of all, both parties are divorced for a reason. If mediation was effective, they may not be divorced in the first place. Implicit in the idea of divorce is a lack of communication. Secondly, the biological mother is aware of your concerns, obviously, and has dismissed them. She clearly does not share your concerns. So, why would she agree to mediation so you can tell her that her judgment is wrong? Mediation is for when two parties want to come to an agreement. I am not sure what agreement you want to reach. She doesn't think her actions are problematic. To go to mediation to try to convince her that they are isn't the point of mediation. Unless she expresses an interest in compromise, you aren't utilizing the purpose of mediation.

Report your concerns, continue to document them and report them as you feel necessary. But, realize if the reporting agency continually "rules" it as being unfounded, it would be wise to realize, at that point, that perhaps what you are expecting has no legal basis whatsoever.