Need Advice please.

Guess I best start at beginning In August of 07 I had a stroke ( I have a blood clot in my cerebellum) and I have residual problems. I have aphasia which is a problem speaking and numbness and paralysis on the left side that comes and goes. In May of 08 My husband of almost 30 years decided he does not want to spend the rest of his life with me and left me to live with another woman no warning, we never had any problems arguments etc. Just switch his pays to a new account and left. For a while he was giving me money to live on (1300.00 per month his pension)). but told me to get a job. I work at home but that's only 600 a month. I have put in multiple job app's to no avail. I think the fact I have had a stroke blocks me from employment. Today he calls me and tells me he took money from the account. I told him I need it to live on and that it will cause the account to bounce. I wrote the checks for rent utilities etc. some cleared but the balance that was in the account he took with outstanding checks. I haven't even gone food shopping yet. His answer was " Oh well" and he hung up on me. Now he has a job and makes good money and all I was getting was the pension to live on. Now he has made it that I can get no food, gas, my medications or dog and cat food. I do not understand what is going through his mind. We have guardianship of our grandson whom I have with me and he isn't even caring that I have no money. Though he has stated in the past that he would take him to her. He has taken my life I do not want him to take our grandson, I do not know if this is his way of trying to get that to happen. I feel defective. I stood by him always, never went against any of his plans. He has leukemia but in remission and I took care of him through that. I have always be supportive of him. We have 5 sons and I am trying to keep the peace. They are upset with him for what is going on even though they are all grown. I do not know where to turn anymore. I feel lost and confused. He says he is going to divorce me but I have not heard anything as of yet. My sons have been helping when they can but you all know the economy. I am trying to contact Legal aid to see what my options are. This is tearing me up I know I am a fool but I still love this man. When I said my vows I meant them. I just checked my bank account and am at -300 with bounce charges so far. I have my own account for my pay to be deposited but that wont be for another 2 weeks roughly, The account he took the money from is the account his pension goes in that he said was for me to use. I am really wondering if the chemo all those years ago is doing something to his brain. This all started just prior to his 49th bday, in fact he called me on Mothers day 08 to tell me he did not want to spend the rest of his life with me and was with HER. He also informed me when he took the money this month that next month he will take it again. I cannot remove his name from the account as the check will not deposit if I do but be sent back according to the bank. He says I should be able to live on less than a 1000 a month but his pension just covers my rent and utilities and a small amount of groceries till I get my check which I said is only 600 each month. I do not know what my rights are or what else to do at this point. Sorry this is so wordy... Jacky

I would get to an attorney IMMEDIATELY. As his spouse for thirty years, he has no right to keep money from you since it is considered JOINTLY owned, not just his. In a community property state, you are entitled to HALF of everything HE thinks HE owns.
Depending on your location, you can get alimony and possibly child support if he is to be supporting the child (presumably he is since you called him the guardian).

You have so many rights in this situation. Do not let him bully you. Talk to an attorney ASAP.

I know for a fact that last year since he left in may that from May to Dec he made ove 50,000 in his wages this does not include the pension that he was letting me have nor the disability he gets. He took her on a trip for a week last month and they are going on vacation again next month but he tells me he needs the money that I should be able to live on what he gives me. He got a stimulus that was deposited also and told me beings I couldnt give it to him he wil take it out of next months check. which will leave me with less than 700. for that month and that everymont therein he will take 350.00 of the mension check. Jacky

Just about every state in these United States will allow you to divorce this gumbo for cause and receive alimony for the thirty years and five sons you've given him, but I'd suggest that you get that lawyer and just divorce him. The first cause for your lawyer is to get you a monthly stipend to live on until the divorce is final. Anything and everything that is in HIS name is half yours in most states. That includes his pension but the stipend should come from his current earnings. You should get a portion of THAT too. With your grandson in tow... and I presume he is YOUR grandson too... you will need more than alimony... it should include child support if he was named with you as guardian.

This might even be fun for you. Think about how it will affect his new friend. She won't be getting that free ride she thought she was in for. She will have to share his paltry $50K with you. That sounds like fun to me. I'd bet he loses her pretty fast. Then it is up to you as to whether you want him back. Make up your mind what you want to do with these ideas in mind. The courts don't really want a lot of badmouthing of individuals these days. It seems everybody does it, so why complain. Realistically, it is the fact that you gave him 30 years and five sons that will sink his romantic adventure. The court will see to it that he CAN'T leave you without funds.

BUT YOU HAVE TO GET THAT LAWYER NOW. He's hoping you won't bother because he knows he has no grounds to deny you alimony and courts can be quite expensive. Then SHE can't force him into marrying her either if you don't carry the divorce to conclusion. I'd suggest that you just get the first money stipend taken care of and then let your lawyer be too busy to get on with it for a time while he "looks for the assets". That should crimp their vacation budget as well as their hometime budget ... to the point that both of them will think twice about what they have begun. But you think twice too.

Men stray multiple times, but once they realize how little there is to gain in a new permanent relationship, they usually want to quit the new relationship and come home. While they might stray again, they won't be quite so apt to stay so long. Be prepared for it. If you can delay the proceedings for a year of stipend money, you can probably see that neither one of them will be having any fun. I think that should be your secondary goal. Your primary goal is to make him live up to his committments. You are still married to him. You probably own half his car and real estate. Go find out.

Thirty years indeed! Show him what it will cost him.

I called legal aid they said unless we have come to agreement they can not help me

Call a divorce attorney and ask for a free or low cost consultation.

Once there, ask about getting a divorce and is there a way for the husband to pay for it.

Ive talked to countless lawyers they all agree I need a lawyer but all want 1000 up front . Guess I just have to deal with his cutting off funds SSI and al say beings we are married I do not qualify even though I have no access to the money he makes Can we say no one cares. I may loose my place to live my grandson etc and no one wants to help me I even asked if he can be made to pay for lawyer but same thing have to have 1000 up front

Go to the bank............sit there. Wait for him to deposit his check. Withdraw the money.

he does not deposit check its an auto deposit from retirement. He has already had it switched to his new account

Hire a lawyer.

And while I know you are angry at his happening, please don't place the blame on people who expect to be paid for their services.

Scrape together the money for a lawyer. Borrow it from your kids if you must. And repay them from the divorce settlement. There really is no other way around it. Spending that thousand will get you MANY thousand in return.