Mentally,Financially, Physically Worn Out, Help

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I am 45 yrs old, married 18 yrs. Helped him build his const. business . HE DOES NOT WANT A DIVORCE because it is not his idea..He is a controlling , mentally abusive man.
for 10 ms I have been trying to divorce him. He is living in our home, we purchased it with a home my father gifted me. My 17 yr old stays with him because Dad throws him money and buys the alcohol!!
I gave my attorney 10 years of consecutive tax returns, we grossed about 180 a year.
This year his date book is blank, he says he is n ot making any money, even thou I printed out bank statements showing 300-500 out of atm every weekend. I have not received one penny from him, he states this is my punishment. He called me 50-60 times a day, he says he will always find me and to watch over my shoulder. Restraining order for harassment denied.
I have been to court 4 or 5 times, 3 times regarding mediation visitions, (my son is almost 18).. Not one time did my attorney ask the judge for any monthly money for me. I was a housewife/his bkpr. Have my real estate license but I was never allowed to work nites and weekends, so no income at all this year. I am living in a 1 bdrm mobile home with my step dad. The last month I have been going to counseling with him, mainly because I am exhausted. It will never work,,,he says he loves me, then 5 mins later he has called my clients asking them how they know me..(he went thru my cell phone and wrote down any number with a mans name.) My atty and his wanted to go to trial..No..for what,,the house won't sell for what it owed, he has maxed out credit cards to the amount of 50,000, I have taken them to cccs services, he has ruined my credit by not paying the bills on time
I FIRED MY ATTORNEY,I am filing a complaint with the bar, you tell me what she did for me for over 9000.00,,,nothing, nothing, i am so disapointed in her and the system I could scream. Can anyone tell me what to do. The divorce is ready to be signed but he refuses, does anyone know about absenteism divorce finalization..The man is obsessed with me, and he told me he would ruin my life for leaving him...That is the only thing he is doing he promised.
Please help, somebody,,,I don't know how much more I can take