Admission to adultery in court

My husband and I have been separated since Dec 06, he has refused to pay child/spousal support and told a judge that as long as he wasn't living in our marital home, he wasn't paying.
In court for visitation amendment, I have physical custody, he admitted to the judge that he wanted my children to spend the weekend at his and his girlfriends new home with her children. The judge told him is was not acceptable for him to flaunt his affair with this woman and subject them to this. My husband admitted to living and supporting his girlfriend and her children and couldn't afford to support 2 families. The judge told him he just admitted to adultery which is punishable in the state of Virginia. He just shrugged his shoulders and said Oh Well.
Can I use this admission as a reason for divorce along with the evidence I have, pictures, cards, receipts etc? How long do I have to wait to file?

First of all, adultery is, obviously, the lion's share of why divorces are granted. It is hardly the scarlet letter it was, any longer, especially since most people simply LIVE together with numerous partners, have kids, and NEVER marry any of them.

Who asked for the separation? Did you make him move out? Did he move out willingly? If you want to play hard ball, and you are the one that made HIM move out, he could divorce YOU for alienation of affection. Usually, these are just rubber-stamped "One-size-fits-all" catchall phrases for "Eh, we decided we don't wanna stick around for the till-death-do-us-part" hoopla. Chances are, the judge hearing the case has himself been divorced for the very same thing. Obviously, the judge ADMITTED in opened court it was a crime---yet did nothing about it. That shows you what the mainstream judicial system thinks about archaic laws. Also, and I will try to say this as delicately as I can, most states have laws against particular and specific physical acts of intimacy. Yet, nearly everyone engages in them routinely, without thought to someone arresting them for it. Get the point?

You have already been separated for the better part of a year. Why not just wait until the year is up and use that for grounds for divorce? Many states, you MUST be separated for a year before a divorce will be granted.

You never continued by explaining what happened when the husband presumably refused to pay child support. How was he able to BE in court--why wasn't he in JAIL for failure to pay? This makes no sense. I cannot imagine him even WALKING away from a court hearing after REFUSING, stating aloud he REFUSES to pay. Now, stating he feels it isn't fair he is being ordered to pay since he isn't living in the marital home is different from flatly REFUSING to obey a court order. He would have been held in contempt immediately. Was the judge ruling at the custody amendment the same judge he told he wouldn't pay? Clarify, please.


Another question: If you have been separated since December, 2006, when did you first go to court and was he ordered to pay at that time? If he was ordered to pay, in December 2006, what did you do when he did not?

Another question: Where was your attorney when this was taking place?

Another question: Why were you in court for a visitation amendment? What was it originally, who was asking for it to be amended, and how did the judge rule?

The devil is in the details. And you have provided very few.

Dec 2006 I found out he had been having an affair for three years and supporting this woman and her kids. I found out because we had bought a house 8 months prior and 6 out of 8 of the checks had bounced. When I looked at the bank statements I found out he had been writing the checks then withdrawing the money in cash 2 days later. Totaling $18,000, then started finding receipts, cards from her, pictures of him and her kids, gifts he had bought including *** toys for her and toys for her kids. On the 16th of Dec I found out he had taken her christmas shopping for presents for our kids and he spent more on a steak dinner for her than he had for groceries for our kids. When I confronted him he pulled a loaded rifle out and pointed it at me and my son. He was arrested for brandishing/possession/transport of a firearm while being a convicted felon. (which I did not know)
I went and filed for custody and spousal/child support on Jan 5 and we went to court in Feb. I was awarded physical custody and he was ordered to pay spousal/child support. He told the judge as long as he wasn't living in the house he wasn't going to pay for it. The judge asked me if I could pay the mortgage and I said no and the reply was "Well I guess you're going to lose your house." Yep, that's what she said. His girlfriend is also the payroll clerk at the company he works for. I did not receive any kind of support until 2 weeks ago. He would call and say "funny how (his girlfriend) keeps dropping that order in the shredder. The company was charged with contempt and the manager stepped in and told her she had to start taking the money out of his pay.
He and his girlfriend just bought a new house and he told me that his new family was not going to suffer because he was ordered to pay support to us. When support isn't sent to DCSE, then she calls and says "oops I forgot, I'll send it next week". He is in arrears of over $9,000. Meanwhile this house that we bought has gone into foreclosure. He claimed he owned half but he also is responsible for half the debt also. I am still baffled by how he could buy a house with her and have this one in foreclosure.
He was indicted by the grand jury for a class 6 felony and I was subpoenaed to testify against him, I offered all of the evidence I had regarding his abuse, theft, fraud, threats police reports etc. The commonwealth attorney told me that it was a mandatory 5 year sentence in a state prison. When we went to the trial on July 18th, I was not called to testify and he pleaded guilty, the judge sentenced him to 5 years in a state prison, then suspended them and gave him 1 year supervised probation and to pay court costs. On the way out of the court house he tripped me and I almost fell down the stairs, the girlfriend that was with me caught me and the deputy escorted me out to my car. I went to the magistrate immediately to get a protective order and was refused because they "didn't want to ruffle his feathers".
I want away from this man as soon as possible and am close to running but he finds out every time and stops us. His new house is less than 3 miles from where we are staying now. At this point my concern is the safety of my children and will do what I have to to protect them. I figure divorce is the first step. I have already tried the judicial system and it failed me.
Thank you for your reply

First of all, this sentence: "He was arrested for brandishing/possession/transport of a firearm while being a convicted felon. (which I did not know)"

Which part did you not know? You state he was ALREADY a convicted felon. You didn't know he was already a felon before brandishing the gun at you? You married a convicted felon---and he merely forgot to mention it?


When you went to court the first time, you couldn't have asked for custody unless you filed for legal separation at that time. Did you?

You say you weren't called for the trial, yet you knew what date it was. Did you contact the prosecutor to ask why you weren't called, and were you in court at that time for the trial anyway?

Moreover, did you have an ATTORNEY for ANY of this??

Have you ever been treated for mental illness of any kind?

The fact he spent more on dinner for her than he did on your children for Christmas is really irrelevant--besides it showing his character. Being a jerk is not, unfortunately, against the law.

Bottom line: If you have a COURT ORDER and he has disobeyed it ( i.e. not paid child support) simply go to the court and ask for an emergency hearing. Show the court he has not paid and they MUST enforce it. The judge refusing to enforce the order is absurd---that simply won't happen. Now, he may ammend it, but ANY judge, when presented with PROOF that an already existing order that is in place is being violated, will issue a bench warrant or other such appropriate measures.

Your story doesn't make sense. I believe there is a huge difference between your understanding of what was to happen and what actually DID happen. The rest just doesn't make sense.