hopeless and helpless
I am in the process of a contentious divorce from a man who emotionally, psychologically and financially abused me over twent five years. It was not until after my mother died that I realized the total isolation and control that he had exerted over me. We have two children aged 15 and 11. I filed for divorce and gave the divorce attorney $10,500. This was the last of an inheritance that my mother had left me. My husband stole the rest fro my ING account, electronically. ( He works for ING). He also, as I have subsequently learned , took out credit cards in my name and ran them up over the last year and a half and signed my name (Notarized) to a fifty thousand dollar loan.. In the past he has had gambling debts and gambles at the BORGATA and I believe also on line.
This man has succeeded in the total parental alienation of my 15 year old and has almost completed the parental alienation of the 11 year old. I have tried to provide a loving home for the children with firm but loving rules. I obtained a therapist for the 15 year old, who has violent rages filled with invectives and hateful statements that sound very much like her father. These outbursts had become increasingly confrontational and physical on my 15 year old's part including a threat to strangle her 11 year old sister while she was sleeping. I repeatedly asked her therapist for a plan for crisis intervention but her therapist refused. I also see a therapist who confided to me that my daughter's therapist did not believe me. All of this culminated in a physical attack on me, I suffered bruises to my forearms and right rib cage, hip and thigh. These injuries were inflicted on me by my 15 year old who in her rage used the same profanities that my husband used and threatened suicide. I managed to call my sister for help, she was here within one minute but my daughter had already run out the door. (My niece collected my daughter down the road and kept her in her company until help was obtained. My daughter refused to go with me for help or be brought back home) My daughter's therapist did not answer calls for help and I asked my sister to call my husband to take her to a local
ER where we had ascertained that they had the personnel and expertise to assit my daughter. According to my sister she had a difficult time getting my husband to take my daughter for help. When he finally took her it was to a county facility ( not the facility that had been called ) and instead of getting her help saw this as an opportunity to use my daughter as a weapon against me.. A case was filed with child protective services and an order of protection was issued againts me by my husband from both children alleging that I assaulted both children on that day. The sheriff who delivered the order of protection told me that I can be arrested at any time. My husband or my children just have to pick up the phone and make an accusation, there will be no discussion or questions. The CPS worker told me that I should have called the police the day my daughter assaulted me and then we both would have been arrested.. I do not see that as a viable option. The CPS worker also told me that I should take out orders of protection. I can not live this way. The parental alienation is total and complete. The older daughter is with her father and the 11 year old calls her father and tells him every thing I am doing, at times making up stories or changing the facts to gain her father's approval.
Where was my lawyer for all this??????? He has abandoned me and his behavior is another story. I had an appt. to see him because he did not return my calls so I called a partner of his who had recommended him to me. I subsequently got a call from him screaming that I had not called him and the question "What do you want me to do?" I was advised by him to pack up and leave and in a subsequent talk with his partner I was advised to "take care of myself". There were other dichotomous messages from these lawyers culminating in a message to meet my divorce attorney on Monday Sept. 26,2005 at 12 noon. I called the divorce attorney's sect'y to confirm that I would be there at 12 noon for the meeting . I obtained a ride (MY car would not make the distance and gets 3.2 miles to the gallon) and was in the office at 11:50 AM. At 12:30 when I was getting anxious about being home for my 11 year old to come home from school I asked the secretary to photocopy the order of protection papers for the lawyer and told her I did not want to be late for my daughter as I would get arrested. The sec'ty . copied the papers and at 12:35 said that Mr. "Lawyer" was stuck in court but would be here in a few minutes. At 1:15 I told the sec'ty. that I had to go as I could be arrested if I was not home for my daughter. The drive took one hour and fifteen minutes in the morning and my daughter gets home at 2:30. I left. As I was getting in the elevator the sect'y yelled down the hall that Mr. Lawyer had a family emergency and would be here in a few minutes. I took the elevator down stairs and waited five minutes in the lobby , no sign of Mr. lawyer , so I went home. When I arrived home there was a message on my machine which stated, we had a supposed meeting for which it is my understanding that you were late. You could not wait two minutes for me to park the car, I had a family emergency. I am drawing up papers to withdraw from the case I can not represent you in the marital or family court matter. I have his exact message on tape asking for the meeting and again telling me he was not going to be my lawyer.. Upon receiving his message I called his office , You guessed it, he was not there and could not be reached and has not returned my calls since.
I am now out of money, cannot hire another lawyer, unemployed (was a housewife- part of the control) and alienated from my children and living under the constant threat of arrest. I am giving up "NO MAS" he can have the house (MY parents gave us the $40,000 down payment and another $20,000) the children, everything- I cannot live like this. I am leaving. What are the legal ramifications of this? If I leave giving up everything, that means I will not be around for family court when they have the hearing on the order of protection. Hopefully when my younger daughter is 18 she will contact me. I am out of options.. I know my husband and he will lie, fabricate, manipulate until I am totally destroyed.
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09-28-2005, 10:31 AM
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