Help me please!!

I went to court over a tpo on 5/14/08 and they made it a final restraining order for 5 years. I am a mother of 2 children one 4 and one 5. I was working 3rd shift for 2 years but am now not working. I had moved out of my boyfriends place cuz we broke up and he was watching my kids so I had to find a new sitter but could not. I would drop them off at 9 and then pick them up in the morning at 7 when I got off. My kids got out of the house a couple times and every time they did I put something on the door so they could not get out but somehow they got out anyway. Well the third time they got out the police brought them home and they were really nice they said they had to charge me with child endangerment cuz they were out by themselves. They had climbed a 6 ft fence and was playing in an empty pool and were playing on the slide at the deep end of the pool.
The police didnt call children services but my daughters father did and children services said as long as I got a sitter then they were fine and left the kids with me. Then my daughters father went to the court and got a restraining order on me against my own daughter and I cannot see her except for 2 days a month. The court gave him temp custody for 5 years!! He even admitted in court that he smokes pot and calls me names in front of my own daughter! I dont drink nor smoke pot and have never had any problem with the law, ive just been trying to take care of my kids, they are my life. What can I do please help??!!

Uhhu.

Well, there is a tremendous number of things glaringly ABSENT from your posting. First of all, if you pick up your kids at 7 am, then you must be sleeping while they are escaping, correct? This might also be a good time to point out that your children hearing your boyfriend "call you names" won't have nearly the effect on their lives that drowning in the deep end of the pool or being sexually molested and murdered, abducted, etc. could have. Being the ages that they are, why didn't they go to school?

Next. There has to be more to the story than you are telling. The child endangerment charges---what happened when you went to court? You were found guilty, I presume? What was your sentence? Now.... I cannot understand how being guilty of child neglect or endangerment means you cannot contact , call, or spend time with your children. I could understand if the court ordered SUPERVISED visitation---but one or two days a month? I don't understand. What else haven't you posted that would help explain this?

And, to offer you some perspective since you seem to miss the gravity of the situation ( since there are literally hundreds of deadly things INSIDE of a house to harm as child as well).....I am the widowed mom of seven and NEVER has a child of mine "escaped". What you are explaining is not a common acceptable occurrence---and you need to see it as shocking behavior. I would have quit my JOB before I would have left my children unattended---even to sleep. Were you ordered into parenting classes?

You seem to have no clue as to the seriousness of what happened and of what COULD have happened.

Now, explain why you didn't get supervised visitation instead of two days a month--and what are the stipulations of those two days? Before a restraining order can be granted, a hearing to show cause must happen--I know--I've been awarded restraining orders against people in the past. Did you go to the hearing to show cause? On what grounds did the ex say the RO should be granted?

Yes ma'am I do understand that something could have happened to them and I understand I was wrong. I prayed to God thankful that nothing did happen to them as I would have never been able to forgive myself. What I was saying was that I was living with a boyfriend and he was watching my kids while I slept during the day for a couple hours. Then we broke up and I moved out and had gotten my own place. I couldnt find an affordable babysitter that quickly for both of my kids. I am a single mother of 2 kids and My parents are disabled so they cannot help and my sis cannot either as for other family members they live about 2 hours away, so I really had nobody. To take care of my kids, I have to work and if I dont work I wont have anywhere to live or be able to feed and get clothes for my kids. Yes my children did get out of the house while I would sleep on the couch but I guess I didnt think it was wrong because I was still there. My kids arent in school because my daughter just turned 5 and my son just turned 4. I'm going through the child endangerment charges as we speak, so I havent been convicted yet, I dont have a record at all. Children services gave me the letter and it was substantiated for neglect, there's no denying my kids were outside while I was asleep but they closed my case already and stated there was no reason for protective services. She recommended for me to get counseling and parenting classes which I am getting signed up for them both. The lady from children services even said she doesnt understand why the restraining order was granted.
My daughters father and I just went to court cuz he was trying to get full custody of her, after 3 months of deliberation he dismissed my daughters fathers case on him wanting custody, this was just granted in Jan 14, 2008 but me moving and my kids getting out happened after this. He is the one that filed for the restraining order on me and she awarded it to him. There was no need for supervised visitation she just stipulated I get my daughter every other weekend from sat 6 to sun at 6 AS LONG AS I WAS AND STAYED AWAKE, but the restraining order is still in effect and he has temp custody. I did quit my job due to this and I had even stated I found a baby sitter, children services and my landlord helped me find one.
My daughters father verbally abuses me and I do have a couple messages saved on my phone with him cussing at me and one with my daughter on the phone. He smokes pot and he admitted it to the judge. I dont understand how she would let him care for her while hes under the influence of drugs. I am appealing the judges decision for 2 reasons, first there was already an order in effect in the juvenile court and second because children services stated there was no need for protective services and they closed my case within 30 days, they also didnt take my son. I just want my daughter back, I love her and so does her brother. I understand what you may think. I put alarms on my doors and chain locks, it was only until I could find a babysitter, an affordable one. Its hard to be the only income in the home and care for 2 children, my sons father is in jail so I dont get any support from him. I did get $400 for my daughter, but I was paying for my kid's insurence and the copayments plus the rent and my car payment so, I could go to work and take them to their appointments. Ive made sure they are up to date on their shots and when they are sick I take them to the doctors. I'm not a perfect mother but I'm trying hard, I'm going to take the parenting courses and counseling and I have a babysitter for my children.
I dont know how to get the restraining order dropped or how to get custody of my daughter back, I cannot wait 5 years. My daughters father says he will drop the restrainging order if I sign over full custody to him but I just cannot, he says if I dont he's just going to the juvenile court and file for full custody anyway. I dont want to only see my daughter every other weekend and not be able to help her with her school work, or take her to school activities, I dont want her to think I just gave up and dont want her. her father works from 7 in the morning and gets off at 6, so he's not around very much and he's smoked pot ever since Ive known him at least, which is like 7 years. I dont want him to care for her under the influence and keep calling me names and cuss at me around our daughter. She asks me if I miss her and says she never gets to see me and my heart just breaks, she also misses her brother very much. Sorry this is so long but I wanted to include all the details so that you knew. Please help me and let me know what I can do.

I appreciate the time and effort you put into providing more details. However, your lack of judgment ( and your child's fathers, too) begins to unravel when you say you 'broke up and moved out'. At that moment of decision, "breaking up and moving out" shouldn't have been an option since the result was your children were in danger. Which is better---two adults growing up and getting over their differences long enough to make suitable arrangements for the children to be safe, or two adults absorbed in their squabbling and bickering so much so that they take the easy way--bailing out? If you had no place to go or no place to keep your children safe, then leaving shouldn't have been a choice, even though it satisfied your need to be away from fighting and bickering. Understand?

That being said, there is still no relationship between you being served with a RO and the pending charges against you. You aren't stating the reason HE gave the court for the restraining order to be granted. The court doesn't just offer RO for no reason. What did you do, or what did he SAY you did in order to prevail in this action against you?

Also, I believe you are straying from the truth when you state that the kids dad TOLD the judge he was a pot head/crack head drug user. She wouldn't even have grounds to ask that unless he had priors, or unless she was going to test him. I mean, lets face it---what judge is going to say, "Ya don't do drugs, do ya, Hun?" Of course, the answer will be NO. I feel very certain he didn't say, "JUDGE I WANT MY KID. Oh, and I SMOKE POT."

Anyway to a third party, this doesn't make any sense at all. Also, perhaps the child is better with him having custody until you can get your affairs in order. I don't know----just an observation.

My feeling is that in the eyes of the court, neither one of you are stellar parents. But, I commend you for taking steps to correct that. Hopefully the court will recognize the same and act accordingly.

My daughters father and I dated about 3 months back in 2002, he cheated and I found out I was preg 7 days later. We tried to work it out but we havent been together since I was 6 months preg with her and she's 5 years old now. He's the one that calls me names in front of our daughter and verbally abuses me and I do have this recorded even still on my phone but the judge wouldnt barely even hear me.
I was dating a guy for 2 years and we broke up in Feb 2008 so I moved out the next month. He was the one that was watching my kids but we broke up and I moved. I had no babysitter when I moved and thats how they got out, because I was working 3rd shift and didnt have someone UP WATCHING THEM.
What he showed to the judge was the police report when I was charged with child endangerment. It stated that they had climbed a six foot fence and were playing in the deep end of the pool as well as the slide and it was empty. Thats why she granted the order, cuz something could have happened to them. Also, in Feb of '08 at around 6:30 p.m. it was a fri and I was off but I was waiting for Tommy (daughters father) to pick up our daughter for his visitation. Well I was doing the dishes and called him and was talking with him and both my children were playing together, anyhow I heard a scream and looked into the other room and my daughter had plugged in the paper shredder and ended up cutting the tip of her left ring finger off. I took her to the hospital as quick as I could and even took my son and I stayed with her all night and her father showed up for about an hour and left. All he does is blame me for it, but I was cleaning up the dishes and kids get into things and cannot be watched every minute of everyday, it was an accident, but he puts the blame on me. Thats all he showed the judge those 2 things and I lost her.
I had 2 photos of a pot pipe that I had taken at his house while visiting with my daughter and my attorney asked him if he smoke pot, and he said yes occasionally I do. Although the judge barked at him about smoking pot and told him that if he doesnt stop and gets caught by the police or anyone, that kiaira(our daughter) would go to foster care, she still ordered the tpo into a permanent one.
I have been told by numerous people, even lawyers, that the judge I had is not very fair and is very mean. I live in West Chester, Ohio and my court was in Hamilton, Ohio.
What I dont understand is, that if we lived in a perfect world, we would all be with the kids fathers and we would have good jobs and be happy but its not that way. I am a single mom and I do try, I never want anything to happen to my kids. I have to work to support my kids, I wasnt living on section 8 and and the system, I was trying to give my kids a good life. Nobody is perfect, I am a sinner although I try to not be I am, only the lord is not. I just dont understand how the government expects us single moms to live. They do not take my car payment into anything nor do they the insurence but I have to have a car to go to and from a job, drop off kids at the sitters, go to doc appointments and numerous things, those combined for me, is like over $500 a month and then the gas to do all that is a lot more. I have had it for a year and if I let it go back now my credit will be aweful and everywhere looks at credit anymore. The way the economy is now is repulsive. All I do is take care of my kids and work, nothing else and I dont and am not lying lie cuz if I want an honest opinion and advice then lying would do me no justice. It seems as though working, loving and taking care of our kids is not enough or shall I say not good enough.
I'm sorry if I've written to much about this issue but if I did not love my daughter, I wouldnt ask for advice and would just let her go.