American Citizen cannot get I.D. : (

Intro
Greetings. I am a 100% American citizen who was born and whose family resides overseas. I was raised here in the United States on our national sugary cereals and Saturday Morning Cartoons.
Background
When my family moved back overseas I had a miserable time finishing up high school abroad in an alien environment and afterward moved back to the States under the pretense of attending college. The truth was that my academic life had fallen so far into disparity that by that time I, someone who had achieved a 99 PSAT percentile in sixth grade, had no ambitions for higher learning left. My family continued and continues to this day to live overseas and, after my academic failure and a few years of being unable to establish a foothold in an American society on which I had only one foot upon, more or less unofficially disowned me. I don't blame them as my resolve to live and grow here had already been set as a small child and I never had nor have any intention of returning to that alien country.
Problem
However I have spent the subsequent few years without home or family and any trace of I.D. misplaced and lost as a result of transient living. Before being dismissed as another homeless lost cause I would like to state on my behalf that I have visited over 23 American cities, met influential members of various business communities, and been the recipient of both acts of kindness and callousness that I never dreamed possible. In short I have experienced a rich, enlightening, and disillusioning life. I have also been arrested many, many times, accumulating in a huge "rap sheet", 90% of which is the result of not having a place to stay on any given night, and falling asleep somewhere, for example in a bus shelter ( = "trespassing" or "disorderly conduct") and having been completely peaceful in nature and intent.
Case
I now currently possess the means to store documents, deal with these issues, and turn a new page toward a more socially aligned life. I hereby request assistance on obtaining legal I.D. and, if at all possible, criminal expungement for most, if not all, of my criminal record. Please comprehend the details of this correspondence and forward me to the appropriate information / parties to assist me in reclaiming my rights as an American citizen. I will relay personal information as needed.
Specifics
Much effort has been put forth already on obtaining an I.D. However none of them has as of yet proven fruitful.

* During my years of transience every church or legal charity service has attempted to put me through the standard process ( i.e., obtaining a birth certificate from the U.S. state in which I was born in) and, upon finding my case to fall beyond the scope of this criteria, was at a loss as to what to do.
* Once when having been arrested I was refused release until identity could be established. Upon being confronted with this situation my father begrudgingly sent my original birth certificate from overseas, which was entrusted to me upon my release. However this too was lost over the years as I had no place to store belongings other than on my person. My father claims that said certificate is the only copy and no more are available nor forthcoming. A claim which I find hard to believe that only one such document is in existence and is now lost forever. My father has been known to lie on occasion. I am considering taking action against him for negligence as further means to absolve my name and request counsel in this regard as well.
* I do possess a photocopy of said certificate. Unfortunately this is largely useless as it is not accepted as a identifying document to receive a social security card. I was only allowed a temporary printout with my social security information on it; a document which I also have in my possession. These two documents are sufficient to apply for a Certificate of Birth Abroad from the State Department, however, the request must be notarized. The requirement for receiving services from a notary? A photo I.D.

As you can see I am caught in an extremely frustrating legal loop.