need help with violation of court order from stepson's mother

Hi. My husband and I are struggling with a mother that tends to dangle her son over our heads for money. Tonight, we went to drop him off and she changed previous plans for halloween night and also began saying horrible things about my husband being a "bad father to HER son" and my stepson was standing there. I will not post the severity of her comments on here due to content... Here is the kicker, we have a court order that states that "no party shall make disparaging remarks against the other in the precence of the child". I let her know that she had broken the court order and we would be proceeding with a show cause to hold her responsible for her actions. She then came up to my truck and I asked her nicely to step aware from my vehicle and she refused. My stepson was by the car and she questioned why I would say that I was going to take her to court and I again asked her to get away from my vehicle. She refused and I told her that I would call the cops. She walked away leaving my stepson standing by the street and said "f you b*tch" in front of him... We then received a threatening phone call from her mother who said that she would ruin our lives and marriage and be sure to have my 3 month old taken away from us. I am not concerned for my well being or our child's but I do deeply worry about my 6 year old stepson having severe emotional damage. I need to know what I can do to get my step son away from her custody. She keeps him from school for more than 30 days a year, no underwear or socks for school or for joint custody visits when we get him, and they do drugs around him constantly if not drinking all the time. My step son is 6 almost 7 years old and he is becoming more and more aware that there is an issue with this. Is there anyone that can help my husband and myself?

The help you may seek here may not be what your wanting for the advice I or anyone else could give you is to hire a lawyer if your wanting to try to change custody.

In most cases similar to yours the court will have you guys go to counseling. This counseling will help determine if custody needs to be changed but I‘ve found that if the counselor isn‘t familiar with parental alienation the court won‘t change custody but only to warn the mother. The court can suggest the mother be tested for drugs but in a case like that their usually has to be some legal history in regards to it in her past. The way it is now it’s your word against hers.

Also if the mother is neglecting the child then I would also suggest to hot line her in for it.

Cinnamon, you spent fifteen postings complaining about THREE LAWYERS you are convinced ALL are guilty of malpractice because they couldn't convince the court your husband was a better dad than his relative, and because no one here agreed with you, you are discounting our advice?

To the original poster, court orders routinely say things like the parties are not to speak disparagingly of each other, BUT I personally have only seen one or two couples who did NOT spew constant venom about the other party. Take a gander at Cinnamons other postings--you will see what I mean.

I don't see her using a curse word as being actionable. However, if the child is being neglected, there may be grounds for a custody change. Keep in mind however, the courts consider what you are saying as hearsay--again virtually EVER couple that has custody issues says the same thing. He says she is unfit, she says HE is an abuser. The courts hear it repeatedly. In order to prevail in this type of setting you will have to have hard proof---using the F-WORD isn't really proof. In fact, that situation may backfire because you, in front of the child, arguably escalated the situation by telling her you were going to report her. Why tell her? Just do it. You could have reasonably predicted when you said that, the situation would have escalated----so I do not think the judge would hold you completely blameless in that situation. It doesn't mean you are responsible for her bad behavior, but there was nothing productive to be gained by informing her of that in front of him and in that setting. Inform her of it when she gets the court papers.

Also, a court does not see step parents in the same light as biological parents. In other words your observations about this woman are not going to carry the same weight as DSS or CPSs comments would because, lets face it, it is an adversarial relatinship. This doesn't mean you motives are not right, it just means there is always someone who knows better how to parents someone elses children than the natural parents. Again, view Cinnamons threads---she is convinced her husbands kids shouldn't be in the care they are in, citing the woman being 'obese' and physically handicapped as some of the reasons the woman is unfit. Its all relative.

The difference lies in what you can prove is an actual danger to a child. Parental rights terminated or change of custody over an "F" word? I doubt it. A child witnessing drug activity and use? Probably. Again, thinking they use drugs isn't going to work. Obviously, she will counter your husband used to do drugs with her (Not saying thats true--just pointing out the futility of he said/she said). Unless she is CONVICTED OF DRUG related crimes thats going to be a tough row to hoe.

A lot of times the custodial parent may not have the most money, be the most patient, the most helpful, etc. However, especially when it is the mother involved, courts are reluctant to make changes and/terminate rights. Perhaps it would be better to ask, in small steps, for changes such as parenting classes. Being willing to enroll in one yourself is not an admission you think you are a poor parent. It just demonstrates to the court that you are willing to go the extra mile in being what this child needs. And your willingess to do so may be the grounds for custody at a later date.

Good luck.

Gentalgrace- not sure why your bringing up my post's in this person's post and it's uncalled for. You are a know it all and always have to have the last word.

You need to stop
I made the mistake of asking in the wrong thread to begin with, so you can think what ever you want but I know what happened it's not about greed or anything else, I may have brought some moneys issues about the other person who has custody but it was more because I know how much is in the trust and by the time the child is adult he won't have much to do anything with let alone be able to go to college with it. I don't believe a person should lie to keep a roof over their head and alienate the children away from the parent. In which my husband did not get a chance to even present to the court these issues because he fired the one that day, and then the court denied him a continuance to find a new one.

And mark my words here, Gentalgrace will post just so she can have the last words. lol

Cinnamon, you aren't here to give or receive legal advice. Why are you here besides to spread your discontent? Your posting is a perfect example of the point I was trying to illustrate about venomous encounters between folks in custody disputes. If you didn't want it public, you shouldn't have posted it.
The fact you are telling THIS poster to do exactly what you COMPLAINED ABOUT DOING and exactly what you said DID NOT WORK in fifteen other postings IS relevant. I say so. And as a matter of fact, if you're going to name call, I prefer "MISS Know-It-All" (Hyphens AND caps, please).

Of course I have the last word. I was here before you and I'll be here long after you and your spirit of discontent has parted this genre. I have over three thousand postings of time and effort invested in this forum. "Guessing" I'd post again is hardly rocket science. Those who use this forum for its purpose resent people using it with disrespect and discontent simply because they didn't hear what they wanted to hear.

Your suggestions as to what I should do, mean as much to me as your opinions of how things should be meant to the various judges and three lawyers with whom you have come into contact.

In a word, NADA.

One can hope.

Promises, promises.