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Old 05-11-2009, 07:11 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Unhappy Child custody questions

Ok I have two seperate issues I need addressed.
1. I have joint custody of my children, but live out of thier state. For my regular monthly visits, I drive down to see them (two weekends a month) as per our agreement. This summer I would like to take them to where I live, my ex says no, because the papers say visitation is to be in thier state HOWEVER, there is a paragraph that states: either parent can VACATION with the children out of state... so since I get three weeks in the summer with them wouldnt that be considered my vacation with them thus allowing me to take them out of state?

2. I just had my visitation with my kids this past weekend. My son got sick and was vomiting, I called my ex immediately and let him know what was going on because we are SUPPOSED TO (even though he never alerts me to anything we are supposed to alert eachother to). My son asked to stay with me an extra night, he just wanted to be babied. I called my ex and of course he said no. Then he told me that my son is only ever sick when I visit (I dont remember him being sick on any of my visits and as I stay with my mom during the visits I have a witness that can attest to that) and threatened to stop my visits. The last time my son was sick they took him to the doctor, and it was well over a week and a half since I had seen him, couldnt have had anything to do with me, and thats the only time I can even recall him being sick all year. I am afraid he is going to try and keep them from me, are there any tests that can be run on him to prove I had nothing to do with whatever virus or bug he had? I am so upset that he'd even say that to me, is there any way to prove it untrue? Is there anyone I should report his threat to? My son said he didnt throw up at all since last night, so hes obviously over it but if theres any way to prove it had nothing to do with me I want it documented and the threat he made, what can I do?

Thanks for any help you can provide!
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Old 05-12-2009, 04:23 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Much of what you are asking is to be determined by a court. No one here can tell you what the intent of the order is without seeing it. I would ask the court for clarification in any matters which your ex could use to report you as being in contempt.

With regard to the child being sick---you do not have to prove you did not make him sick. It is assumed you did not make him sick until there is PROOF you DID. You have it backward---you're looking for proof you did NOT make him sick. You don't have to prove anything ---your ex has to prove you did. Unless he has some proof you did, then those statements are just petty ineffective bickering divorced couples routinely do. And, no his words are not "threatening" ---what he said, the way you related it is not a criminal threat. Divorced couples routinely threaten to take the kids, keep the other parent from seeing them, yada yada. Unfortunately, this isn't like a big game at recess where there is a teacher or monitor to intervene----its up to the two of you to act like adults.

However, if there comes a time your physical well being is in danger (he threatens to hurt you), obviously, that is different. But threatening legal action or to have you investigated may not be a nice thing to do or allege, but it isn't a crime.
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Old 05-12-2009, 07:38 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Thanks for the tips.

I figured he would have to prove it, but I just wondered if there was a test that could be done so he would see it had nothing to do with me. I am truly appaled he would even think such a thing, but I understand what you are saying.

To get the court to clarify things for me, would I need an attorney to represent me? I am trying to get the help of an attorney, but I have no money. I DID send my lawyer back to court on this back when the divorce was finalized, and according to him he said the judge said we had to work that out ourselves. I dont know how to do that when my ex will not budge.
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Old 05-12-2009, 05:15 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by need_help View Post
Thanks for the tips.

I figured he would have to prove it, but I just wondered if there was a test that could be done so he would see it had nothing to do with me. I am truly appaled he would even think such a thing, but I understand what you are saying.

To get the court to clarify things for me, would I need an attorney to represent me? I am trying to get the help of an attorney, but I have no money. I DID send my lawyer back to court on this back when the divorce was finalized, and according to him he said the judge said we had to work that out ourselves. I dont know how to do that when my ex will not budge.
I would go to the court and tell them you have a question about the order. Tell them you aren't trying to challenge it, just don't understand it.
And ask them what to do now.

Also, if you had an attorney represent you, then ask him or her to clarify the order. It was their job to not only represent you in the divorce, but also make sure you understood the proceedings.

Another option--if it says you can take the kids on vacation, and he isn't letting you, then go to the court and inform them he is in volation of the court order. At the very least, you will get before the judge and maybe he will "budge" before that time.

Good luck.
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