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Old 04-03-2009, 11:49 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Need advice...Leaving the state of Ca with child/custody/child support

My 1 year old's father and I lived in my home (not married) in Ca. for a total of only 6 months when he recently moved out. He has now been gone for 2.5 weeks and has collected all his belongings. He has visited with his son a total of 2 times since then at my urging and has not provided financial support nor will he be able to for another 4 months. He had a gambling problem that resulted in him owing over 10 grand to some pretty shady people so now his whole paycheck is going to them. In any event, after many attempts to try to get him to try to work things out with us and stay a family, he has found someone else and would rather pursue that new ave. Meanwhile, I am 8 weeks pregnant and have no family here. My family in Texas has offered me a place to stay and the opportunity to go back to school and complete my nursing degree. I have informed my son's father that I will be leaving and he says that he will not contest it as long as he is informed of any major medical events concerning his son and if I decide to leave the country and also that when he chooses to go and visit that I must allow it. I agreed to this and asked if he would sign a paper acknowledging this agreement and he said he would. I want to know if this paper would be a legal binding document somehow and if there is more that I need to do to protect my rights. In regards to the child support, can I file for it when I'm in Texas or do I need to do that here in Ca before I leave? Please help with any advice you can offer. Thank you. Melissa

Last edited by Melikat; 04-03-2009 at 01:25 PM.
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Old 04-03-2009, 05:24 PM   #2 (permalink)
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First of all, you were not married. Therefore, you do not need his permission to do ANYTHING. He has not been legally declared the father of this child. You are free to move anywhere you wish without consideration of him or his wishes. HOWEVER, once his rights are established, and the child support order is in place, you will have to follow the court order implicitly.

I would ask the court where you live now and where you are headed---ask them where you should file. But, it will take a while because there has to be a paternity test, etc.

You can agree with him and sign something, but it doesn't carry the weight a court order does---and if he does not adhere to the agreement, you have NO recourse. What do you do when he doesn't do as he agreed? You cannot ask the court to enforce it--because it isn't a court order.

However, you CAN write down and agree before you go to court ---doing so will facilitate the process greatly.

Good luck.
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Last edited by GentleGrace; 04-04-2009 at 05:43 PM.
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Old 04-03-2009, 09:23 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Wink

Dear GentleGrace,

My sincere thanks for your advice. You definitely were correct in recommending I contact both child support agencies both here where I currently live and where I'm heading. I have done so and found that the best course of action is to file once I get to TX and they will process everything via mail. In the event that a hearing should be necessary, then the court will accept his presence telephonically. (pretty cool)

Also, since I first posted my need for help...I have received several texts from him now saying that he will fight me leaving if I file for child support, however if I "hold off" for a few months before filing then he will not contest me leaving. He says he will make things as difficult as possible for me just like I will be doing to him. It is good to know that he really has no say as far as me leaving...at least not now anyway.

Thank you again for your direction.
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Old 04-04-2009, 05:16 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Melikat View Post
I have received several texts from him now saying that he will fight me leaving if I file for child support, however if I "hold off" for a few months before filing then he will not contest me leaving. He says he will make things as difficult as possible for me just like I will be doing to him.
This is an empty threat. HE does not have the same standing in the eyes of the court that you do to be ABLE to contest you leaving. Don't be fooled by this. AND even if he does not "contest" your leaving the court MAY instruct you NOT to leave ( but I don't think so ). And his behavior already ( not paying child support or any kind of support) gives him even LESS credence in the eyes of the court. He is bluffing.
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Old 04-04-2009, 08:50 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Thank you again.
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