child custody

I currently have the schedule a visitation with 2 of my children from a previous marriage. A girl that is 9 and a boy who is 7. The ex wife moves from one boyfriend to the next and has moved in with a couple of the boyfriends after only knowing them for less then a month. She has never provided them with a stable environment. In my divorce decree it states that there are not to be any people of the opposite *** staying the night in the home when the children are in that parents custody. She was married for about a year to this one man who was very abusive when he was drinking to her and the children. They divorced from what I understand because of the violence. She had him put in jail for hitting her. The children witnessed a lot of the violence and are still pretty traumatized from that. The children were sleeping in the same bed but they are now sleeping in bunk beds in the same room. The children have told me on several occasions that their mother drinks alcohol in front of them all the time. She also smokes cigarettes in the vehicle with them and inside the home. Recently I found this picture online. It is a picture of her and one of her good friends. They are both sitting together and the friend is taking a drag off of a blunt. It is pretty obvious that my ex is stoned but she is not holding anything in her hand. I have always suspected that she still smoked marijuana but I had no proof. I do not know if this picture is enough or not. She has denied me visitation on several occasions. I have those conversations on tape. When the children come over for my visitation, they always stink and appear that they have not had a bath in several days. My 7 year old son weighs 140 pounds. She has had the doctor's do every kind of test that you can think of on him and there is nothing wrong with him. Whenever he is in my custody I have him on a diet and I make him exercise and he sheds the pounds, but then he goes back to her and gains the weight right back again. I have heard several doctors tell her to put him on a diet and she still refuses. Both of the children missed around 17 days of school this last school year. The children who live with my current wife and I did not miss very many days and they were never late for school. One child missed 1 day and the other child missed 8 and that was because of her asthma and she had her tonsils taken out during the school year. I am married to my second wife and have lived at the same residence for over 5 years. We have a total of 5 children, 3 boys and 2 girls. Our house is 3 bedrooms. The boys sleep in one room and the girls sleep in another and they all have their own beds. We might have a drink on occasion but we never do it in front of any of the children. I smoke but I do it outside away from the children and I never do it in the vehicle. Do I have enough to go for full custody and if so what are my chances?

There is absolutely no way, short of having a crystal ball, that anyone can answer this question. You do realize, of course, that for every accusation you have made here about her, she probably has equally as many about you? The legitimacy of those allegations is for the court to decide. I would advise you to realize the duplicity of your standards. Stating, for example, she smokes in the car while you only smoke outside makes you a more suitable parent is absurd. The smell of cigarettes lingers on a persons clothing, hair, and breath. It could also be argued that smoking at ALL in front of children is grounds to call someone unfit. They KNOW what you are doing outside. Your children can watch you AND their mother die an agonizing death from lung cancer. This makes you more suitable as a parent how??

I watched my best friends mother die recently from lung cancer. After getting out of the hospital being treated for pneumonia, we took her home. Three hours later, she went into her room, lit up a cigarette, and began her customary smokers cough---but this time, it sounded different. We rushed into her room and she looked up at us beseechingly, begging us to help her---a moment later, her lung literally ruptured and came out of her mouth--covering all three of us in blood. In less than a minute, she bled out---died from an embolism.

I know your question had nothing to do with the merits of smoking, but since you brought it up, I felt compelled to comment on it. It angers me when I have to be exposed to the harmful affects of others "choices", such as smoking. I suspect your children, if they do not grow up to shorten their lives by smoking, will feel the same way about what you and their mother are doing.

The answer to your original question is---no one can answer those questions for you. If you really think your ex is violating the original court order, take her back to court. Also, if you feel your children are in REAL danger, you need to act immediately to protect them. The best way to do this is to hire the best attorney you can find.

I wish you the best. Good health, in particular. Life is too short to waste---please reconsider shortening it by smoking. Good luck.