I truelly understand where you're coming from. Ive been married for 4 years and my husband and I have been seperated for 2 years, I left cuz He was a drunk and had hopes of him stopping drinking. He only got worse and now is incarcerated for 5 years because he was drinking and driving and killed 2 of his best friends, his child hood friends. He is the father of my 4 year old son and is my daughters stepdad. My niece and nephew were molested for 2 years before they finally came out last year that their mothers boyfriend (my cousin) was doing it and we were all oblivious to the fact. I feared the same thing happening to my kids from a sitter that I didnt know so, I thought I could care for them but I was wrong. When I left my husband I had to get a good paying job so I could care for them and they were only hiring for 3rd shift so I took it and ended at making $14 an hour. I have no problem supporting my children and paying child support but the judge based the child supprt on me making $14 an hour and I can't find a job making even close to that, I worked in a factory. My daughters father makes $35,000 a year. I lost my job because my grandma was getting really sick and couldn't care for my children at night any longer, 3 weeks later we found out she has bone, liver and throat cancer. There was no way for me to find a sitter for night time, and I couldnt pay for both day and night and I couldnt transfer to a different line or shift. My son has a speech delay, he had to get his phrenulum cut so he could talk and is 2 years behind. His dad is in jail, his great grandma that cared for him will pass away in 3 months or so and now his sister is gone as well. I had my daughter today and she didnt even want to leave, she keeps saying she's unhappy and her dad gets mad at her for calling for me all the time. I realize that the big problem was my job, its to hard to work 3rd shift with 2 small children. I have talked to a few employers but I wanted to be honest and let them know my situation and they said that they would have no problem giving me a couple days for court cases but if it were to keep on then I should wait til all of it is overbut I dont even know when that will be. My daughters father uses our daughter to have control over me, he's tried to get me back on several occasions and asked that I lower his child support when I had custody. All he does is call me names and cuss at me and he has called me names in front of my daughter. He wants me to just give up and give him full custody of our daughter so he has control over me cuz right now he does. He knew that I had no sitter for the kids and what I was doing and everyone told him to that it was ok, so now he uses it against me. His wife left him twice and they were only married for like a year because of the way he treated her and he was never around and because he smoked pot. He told the judge in domestic violence that he smoked pot. She got irritated and told him he better quit cuz if he was caught then our daughter would end up in foster care. I'm sorry if I am writing to much or talking to you like ur my counselor but it just seems like my life keeps getting worse and worse, my grandma says to always remember that there are others that are worse off but its hard to do that cuz I feel very unfortunate even though I am fortunate cuz I still have my kids and they are alive and healthy. I just miss my daughter and my kids are all ive got. I know you say to represent my case and I am going to but I dont even know if it will work. The parenting class was a 8 week class and I attended 6 of them but missed 2 cuz I was working to get a little extra money, I just started the counseling and it was just issued 2 months ago. I agree it was a bad judgement call on my part, I should have thought about all the consequences but I failed to do that, if anything had happened to my kids, I could never forgive myself.
Thank you so much for reading everything that I have to say and ask about. I couldnt imagine how hard it would be to raise 7 children, I have 2 children and have troubles with that, but having a man around seems to help a lot. I wont ever give up on my kids and will always strive to do my best. It's hard to smile nowdays.