No one has a crystal ball, of course. But, I suspect that you have grounds for sole custody given his drug use, rehab, and subsequent relapse.

My feeling is ( and this is only opinion, no psychic abilities) that the judge will not entertain any motions amending the first cause of action. Meaning--she will rule on what has been presented. HOWEVER, she may be angered by his untruths (if he lied and said he was clean) and she may rule completely against him---there is no way to tell. Ever see cases where the plaintiff asks for a certain amount of money in a civil trial and the judge awards MORE? While your case isn't the same in that manner, she may take a harder line than you have if she is angered or offended by his drug use or his lying about it. It all depends.

I commend you for your taking such a proactive stance in protecting and nurturing your child. You could serve as an example to may posters here who mess up their lives, then want someone here to fix it for them in five sentences or less.

I would be interested in knowing how the judge rules. I suspect letting her rule, and letting her make her own restrictions is best, so it will remove you from being pressured later to relent. In other words, if you make an agreement with the dad, and the court approves it, later he can try to coax you into changing it. But, if the judge writes the order, outlines the restrictions, etc herself, your ex will have no cause to badger you or blame you for being "too harsh" or "too mean" , and he will never be able to tell your child, "Guess what MEAN MOMMY DID??" He will have to say, "GUESS WHAT DRUG ADDICTED DADDY DID? HE LOST CUSTODY BECAUSE HE WAS FOOLISH". Allowing the judge to handle this takes a lot of responsibility off YOUR shoulders.

I found this information pertaining to your state.

Temporary Custody - "De facto" (means "in fact") custody refers to who actually has custody of the child at this time. This can be different from "court ordered custody". In order to formalize custody before you begin litigation, you will need to file for temporary custody. Temporary custody will be based on the "best interests" of the child standard. It is not an "initial" award of custody. Instead it is temporary custody while you wait for the court to hold a hearing.
Sole Custody - Custody is made up of: legal custody and physical custody. A person with legal custody has the right to make long range plans and decisions for the education, religious training, discipline, non-emergency medical care and other matters of major significance concerning the child's welfare. A person with physical custody has the child living primarily with them and they have the right to make decisions as to the child's everyday needs. Sole Custody is when both legal and physical custody are given to one parent. The child has only one primary residence.
Split Custody - Split custody is easiest to describe in a situation where there are two children and each parent obtains full physical custody over one child. Some of the considerations that may bring about this result are age of the children and child preference.
Joint Custody - Joint Custody is actually broken down into three categories: Joint Legal, Shared Physical, and Combination.

• Joint Legal custody is where the parents share care and control of the upbringing of the child, but the child has only one primary residence.
• In Shared Physical Custody the child has two residences, spending at least 35% of their time with the other parent.
• Additionally, you can make your own special joint custody agreement that is any combination of Shared Physical and Joint Legal Custody. One example of this is when there is one residence for the child and the parents live with the child there on a rotating basis.

The court looks very closely at Joint Custody agreements. The most important factor to Joint Legal Custody to Shared Physical Custody is the ability of the parents to talk about and reach joint decisions that affect the child's welfare. If you are constantly fighting over what religion or what school, the court may strike down your agreement.
Other factors include:

• willingness to share custody;
• fitness;
• child's relationships with parents;
• child's preference;
• ability to stabilize child's school and social life;
• closeness to parent's homes (primarily a factor during the school year) ;
• employment considerations (e.g. long hours, extensive travel, etc.);
• age and number of children;
• financial status;
• benefit to parent.

Types of Custody in a New Jersey Divorce



I don't know why you could not be granted sole custody, in particular, not just because of the drug use, but also because he did the drugs IN YOUR HOUSE where your daughter DOES live. It isn't a stretch to believe he would do the same in his mothers house---so, while Im not criticizing her character, I am not certain she is a good candidate for being the supervisor for those visits. The safety of the child is paramount----and there is no guarantee of safety with a man who does drugs in our own house where she resides. I think sole custody is a very viable option and a safe one, too.

The best thing to do would be to ask for a free consultation with an attorney in New Jersey, one who knows the judge --perhaps he or she can better predict the way a particular judge rules in such cases. Some judges are "tough" on certain issues.