Hello Grace, It's BarbieAnn54
First of all thank you for you expertise. Let me briefly explain if I can…I’m not making any excuses, just letting you know what my situation was and is…as briefly as I can. I am a former nurse. My husband and I decided that it would be best to stay home and raise our children. Number one, my only sister had moved to California…..we were born and raised in New York ….and so there went any semblance of support…and actually she had her own issues, with her husband at the time. He is deceased now…..
Secondly, as close as I was with my mother, she was a functioning alcoholic, and in addition I came from a physically abusive (meaning assault) and dysfunctional family….at the time, we all made it through the trials and tribulations that come with dysfunction. However, my mom (may she rest in peace)…could not be supportive to me, because of her problem and I was never close to dad, because of his violent nature. He is 83 now, and I had a much better relationship with him, until this current situation, which, has left me out of touch.
Yes, it may seem archaic to you…however, the hoarding, goes way back…it has only now become extreme. Early in our marriage he was physically abusive to me…and I said that I was leaving, so he never touched me again., however, he had drug problems that I wasn’t aware of…yes, I knew he smoked marijuana now and then, however, I was never, a part of it or did I ever condone it, so, he did this sort of thing away from me….I had a 5 year old and a baby at the time that he told me that he had a problem…I didn’t realize that it was so bad until he stopped coming home…so, I called his job and reported him…and the supervisor said that he had to come to him……so, I told my husband that I was not going to live like this with him…so, he agreed to go away for the drug treatment…this was back in the 80’s……he left for 30 days, and so forth etc.
To make a long story short…he did seem to straighten out his life and then came my daughter. I could go on…however, I said I would make this brief. My daughter is not sick because, of the Apt. and my son’s where young and the situation was not as serious. By the way I forgot to mention early in our marriage, we had marriage counseling about hoarding and physical abuse.
I think the reason that, I didn’t make a move early on is because, I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to give them the quality of life that I thought they deserved. My husband had taken care of the family decently at some point. However, I agree with you….I believe, that he could be mentally ill or something…however, he won’t go to the doctor like I asked him because, he is afraid of what they might tell him.
This is what I want,…I’m currently working at home by computer…..I just got started, so no income yet. I want a separation, because, I think that I can get this without him contesting it…if I tell him that we could possibly get back together again…However, In the long run, I really want a divorce. But, I don’t have any money….I know that lawyers are very expensive…..this is another reason why I didn’t make a move before….my parents, didn’t get along, and separated, but not legally…and it was very ugly, and deceitful…I want to do a legal separation. About the taxes….I didn’t take care of that, he did…so I only remember signing the form for my oldest son’s, student financial aid….and why the state is after him, is well, he tells me that…he filled out the form wrong ..and that all he has to do is find his 2006 tax forms and resubmit them ….well, you guessed it he can’t find them nor is he really looking…..
I really would like him to leave at some point…and I know I have rights….and I only want what I’m entitled to nothing more….
I would appreciate any additional advice that you can give me at this time…..
I guess my upbringing and religion may play a role, ….in how I think….I’m not practicing now, however, I am a Catholic, and I went to Catholic Elementary school….and I had my children from one man, and didn’t have them until I was married….so, that’s it.
I didn’t want the children to fall into the no father thing…but, they are older and we are all on the same page.
On the last note, we have pets and where would they go, if I went to a shelter. (can’t leave them with him)
I really do appreciate all that you have told me. Just understand, I don’t know how old you are, but, back when I got married at 25 years old, the laws were not on the books and in favor or women at all….Thank goodness times have changed.
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