Quote:
Originally Posted by BarbieAnn54
[size="4"]I would like a separation from my husband of 27 years of marriage. I am a housewife of 24 years now. I and my children have suffered emotional abuse for years. My husband is a compulsive hoarder and it is getting worse day by day, and he refuses to move things and throw things out that are broken. It's gotten so bad that we can't let any one in our Apartment. When things get broken no one can come in to fix it. I have 3 children, 24 years, 20 years and 15 years old. My youngest is currently being home schooled due to illness. I can't afford a lawyer, what are my options? It is not healthy for him to be living here anymore. He is irresponsible with the finances so we are always worried about bills not being paid. I have asked if I can help with shopping for the groceries and the like, and he said that he has taken care of this for 27 years and that's that. We also don't have a phone, which is a form of control. Thank you in advanced for your answers. I meant to mention that about $12.000 was taken from 2 different bank accounts of my husbands due to delinquency in filing the state taxes for 2006. He still hasn’t paid it yet. And I found information that says that I am an innocent spouse. I didn’t know that he didn’t pay it until he said that there would be no Christmas this year.  |
I would go to a woman's shelter/abuse shelter and ask them to assist you in taking the next step. I went through this with a friend of mine and she had to physically leave the house ( she went to the women's shelter with her children ) and then within forty eight hours at an emergency hearing, she was ordered back into the house with the children and he was ordered to find another place to live ( since she had the children during the day and he worked all day.) However, that is just an example.
How did you get to the point where you have to ASK him for permission to do anything? "Honey, can I buy groceries this week?" Are you serious? I have never in the twenty years I was married before becoming a widow ASKED PERMISSION of my husband for anything. He wasn't my parent, he was my partner, my equal. How did the balance of power get so skewed and why did you let it continue?
Also, your other children are grown. Why is it unhealthy all of a sudden for the last child, but wasn't for the others? Also, while he is at the grocery store, THROW trash away. If he shows out, or threatens you, call the police. And he goes to jail. AND then you file for separation while he is in jail. It's ugly, but it works. Why don't YOU tell him "how it is going to be" for a change instead of HIM being the bully? Obviously, if he is physically violent, that is a moot point since you don't want him to pull out a gun and start shooting. And if that is the case, get the hell out of Dodge. But, seriously, start asserting yourself in little ways. Maybe he isn't the bully that you think.
I also have other questions--do you want a divorce? I mean, if he hasn't gotten help in over twenty years I don't suspect he is going to now. Also, have you expressed your concerns about his hoarding? It may be an indication of a mental illness. What if you told him you wanted a divorce--or a separation? Is that possible?
Also, it grieves and angers me to hear women say they are "abuse victims" for twenty years. The biggest question that comes to my mind is why? The first time it happened, I would have packed up and hit the door, all seven of my children in tow. People treat you the way you allow them to treat you. Apparently he has gotten the message it is ok, so it has continued.
The tax issue is completely different. If you filed married/jointly, I cannot imagine how you would not be held accountable for not knowing about the tax situation, especially since you had to sign the return. Did you sign it? or did you file separately?