05-09-2008, 10:10 AM
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Senior Member
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,433
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Quote:
Originally Posted by buzy
The option to move is not one I can make. I do have a five year old daughter here to consider. I would be willing to do what is in the best interest of the child even if that ment leaving him be. The issue comes down to even though her husband's name is on the birth certificate, they have decided they could get extra income from me. Trust me I know I made some really really bad decisions and but I am willing to support my child, I just do not think I should have to pay support on a child that does not have my last name and I do not get to see.
I would rather put the money in an account so that when he is older and needs it he would have it for college, first car, what ever. I know .. not up to me the system is certainly flawed! I am being told that if I do nothing the state of California can not touch me. I am just not sure I could live with my self.
Thank you for the input. It is disappointing to think I might not have a relationship with my son.
On another note ... usually when she does call all she wants to do is tell me she wants me back (and yes she is married and I have been in a relationship for a year now but she loves calling late at night asking if I love her. She has told me she is willing to leave her husband and two of her "difficult" children and move here to be with me!) When I tell her that I find it impossible to forgive her for her behavior .. which includes cutting me with a knife .. she gets mad and tells me I will never see my son. Sigh such drama. Lesson learned, need to think with my BRAIN next time.
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I understand your reluctance to move, especially given the circumstances. She cannot have it both ways, however. Her husband cannot be "daddy" while they collect child support from you, yet you have no rights. I have never suggested to someone that they terminate their rights, but it appears you most decidedly are getting the proverbial short end of the stick. If her current husband turns out to be a good father and she grows up and the tie between you is severed ( the child ) she may be forced to go on with her life and leave yours alone--which is good for you AND the child you have right NOW. I would never advise you either way--it is intensely personal, but that fact that you would consider it reflects well on your character. Maybe it would be easier for a child to grow up and understand my natural father allowed me to be adopted by my "dad" so my family could remain intact. That is, of course, all speculation on my part. Only you and your attorney an decided on a personal as well as a legal level what is the best option. Perhaps viewing your terminating of your rights as an honorable thing and not a "wimping out" on your part would be helpful. I wouldn't do any thing without a full consideration of the psychological, legal, and personal issues involved.
Good luck.
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