Susi,

My best advice to you is to visit the following websites: www.eeoc.gov; www.dol.gov; and check to see if your state has a State Dept. of Labor and/or a State Civil Right's Commission. If you do not have access to a computer, look in the government section of your phone book, call information, or call a government resource such as the Mayor's Office, State Representative, County Commissioners, Congressmans Office, Attorney General, Department of Job and Family Services, etc. It may take a couple of phone calls, but someone has the number. Once you make contact, you can ask for information.

The state and federal law may vary greatly depending upon where you live. Some states simply use the federal guidelines and some provide their own. Regardless of the state that you reside, you have the right to consult the federal EEOC.

Unfortunately, there is no easy answer to your question. There is not enough information to draw an inference. I am certainly not choosing sides, but I would at least be thankful that your employer is flexible in this way. Many are not. I would also be thankful that it appears as though they're introducing the change somewhat more slowly than they may be required to.

On the flip side, you may have a very valid arguement. I'm guessing that you're company does not have an employee union. If you do belong to a union, consult your collective bargaining agreement and speek with your shop steward. Your collective bargaining agreement may or may not contain provisions that address your concerns. Another very important consideration is whether your state is an "at will" state.

Regardless of any of the above scenarios, anyone that falls within a "protected class" or engages in "protected activity" that is within the auspices of the EEOC (Equal Employment Opportunities Commission) and/or that of the U.S. Department of Labor's Wage and Hour Division (enforces the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) among others) has protection under those laws. There are certainly many more agencies that protect individuals that engage in "protected activity" and/or belong to a "protected class," but in regards to medically related discrimination/retaliation, the two federal agencies (EEOC and DOL W/H) are a great starting point.

You said two things that require more investigation. You mentioned that your husband has a disability and that your employer may be subjecting you to different terms and conditions than the other 12 employees.

In order to determine whether you're being discriminated against (which can take the place in the form of retaliation, harassment, disparate treatment, etc.) you must start by consider the answer to the following question:

1. What's the difference between you and the other 12 (or even just the majority of the other 12)?

The answer to that question may very well be the solution to your problem.
It may be realized that there is a discriminatory motive, that your manager is begining to enforce rules and regulations that his/her superiors have asked him/her to follow (they must be non-discriminate though), that s/he doesn't like your hair, or that s/he has an honest and valid reason or justification for the change.

The same laws that prohibit discrimination based on race, color, ***, religion, national origin, age, and disability, as well as wage differences between men and women performing substantially equal work, also prohibit retaliation against individuals who oppose unlawful discrimination or participate in an employment discrimination proceeding. Engaging in "protected activity" does not mean that you have to belong to the above class. i.e. If you complain about to your employer that you've overheard fellow employees making ratially motivated statements about a fellow employee and that you find it offensive. You have engaged in "protected activity" which prohibits your employer from retaliation and/or harassment. Even though you're not the person that's being discriminated against or harassed, you have every right to oppose illegal discrimination. But, that certainly does not provide a "get out of jail free card." Some employees (knowing this activity to be protected) may engage in the protected activity and suddenly be terminated two days later. Though suspect in timing, if the employer can prove a justifiable reason for the termination, that they would have terminated the individual regardless of the protected act, and that they've treated similarly situated employees the same way, that person has no protection.

As you can see, you may or may not have a legally valid complaint. Understanding that being legally valid doesn't necessarily make their actions fair and just. Unfortunately, being legally valid doesn't mean that it is palatable.

Lastly, I'd make four (4) suggestions.

1) consult your employee hand book and collective bargaining agreement if you have one (if you don't know what that is, you probably don't) and look for policies that may address your concerns.

2) Visit the EEOC website; U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) for information pertaining to discrimination.

3) Visit the U.S. Dept. of Labor's website and read the FMLA provision because you may very well have leave rights simply because of your husbands disability. But, the disability has to be considered a "serious health condition" which is likely the case given his diagnosis, and you must be requesting the leave to care for him in some way. If it is a forseeable leave, you are required to give a 30 day notice (unless your employer has a more liberal policy). If the leave is not forceeable i.e. emergency, you need not provide a notice any earlier than you became aware of the need for the leave. You can take leave in increments as well. You need not assert your rights under FMLA to take leave (although it would be best), all you are required to do is provide sufficient enough information that the leave is FMLA qualifying. If the employer questions the validity or it's qualification under FMLA, they are permitted to ask for supporting information, but within very strict guidelines.

4) Consider meeting with your manager and/or supervisor to discuss the matter. You may be surprised by the response. It's entirely possible that a simple conversation may provide the results that you desire. It doesn't hurt to ask.

I know the information that I;ve provided is somewhat vague, but your scenario needs more supporting information. I wish you well.